Friday, April 24, 2009

Love Almost Lost

When you are in love with someone and you don't realize it until you almost loose them. When certain situations arise in life that you have no control of, but is there really any control in our lives or is it an illusion.

A couple weeks ago I was in this very situation when I was text messaging a friend . This friend and I had gone on a couple of dates and I really liked her for more than friend. I was just going to be her friend and let her get to know me and see where it would lead . The worst thing that could come out of it was a really good friend which is a win in my book.

It all started almost a year ago. When a friend told me that she had a friend that would be great for me to go out with. That we had alot in common, and had mentioned me to her.but i didn't want to be fixed up with a friends friend, because if it didn't work out then the friend would be caught in the middle. that is no place to be. Neither one of us would go for, being fixed up on the date.Then in January i was on a dating web site . I came across a profile that grabbed my attention. Not just 1 time but every time i got on for about a week i would find myself reading her profile. So finally i got the nerve up to sent her a message and she replied . I introduced my self to her and she introduced herself,and I knew that name . Because her name is not a common name around here. After a little bit of investigation. I found out that she was the same woman that the friend was trying to fix me up with.The next time I sent her a message, I said to her " I think we have a mutual friend". She replied about 10 minutes later with her phone number. When i read that message my heart just about jumped out of my chest. Now I had never met this woman but that feeling came over me in a rush.We went on a date about 3 or 4 days later and had a fantastic time. On the way home, I told her that I had been wanting to do this all night and I kissed her. Now I know you will think I am crazy,but when we kissed I saw fireworks, not like bottle rockets or sparklers, but great big July forth explosions of color and sound.The 2 of us talked on the phone and texted back and forth for months and got to know each other. We became good friends, but I knew there was more there on my side.

Like a moron I asked the friend of ours for some advise about her. The friend told me to play hard to get and she would go for me more. That she liked the bad boy image. I am not really the bad boy but I tried . I acted like i didn't care and gave her all the space she needed . Everyday I was drawn to her more and more . But every time we would talk she would bring up that she DID NOT want a relationship.

I respected that. This went on for about 3 months we would talk and text every day or 2. About 2 weeks ago i was at a rodeo competing at and she was there with another man and the entire time we were texting back and forth ,this was Friday and Saturday . I met this guy she was with Friday and I had the urge to get a lil bit cocky and strut around her like a peacock with his tail feathers all spread out. I could tell I intimidated him and I could see that it worried him that her and I were such good friends. But still she and I texted .Then on Saturday I pushed the issue with him more and I was trying to get him to push back to see what he was going to do to get me to stop. After about 3or 4 hrs of being an ass hole towards him. She asked me to calm it down. I told her NO then she said please . So I said Yes I would , but she would owe me another date or 2. She replied " how can I do That when I am in a Relationship?I felt my heart explode and my face turn red instantly. and i came unglued at the seams. I chewed her up and down and told her that she was just using me and him. That she was just like all other women and was a PLAYER. just using guys to get what they want. I told her that everything we were doing would stop. the phone calls , the text messages ,the lunch dates would stop because she had a boyfriend and I wont intrude on that. When I told her that she felt like she had just lost someone that meant more to her than she realized. Now this went back and forth all through the rodeo. After the rodeo she walked down to the arena to see me and I walked by her like she wasn't there and went to the concourse of the the building. When she left ,about 30 seconds after she walked out i ran out the door to find her but she was gone.After the rodeo when we were getting the awards i kept texting her. I admit it I was heart broken and hurt and pissed . The thing is I wasn't pissed at her I was pissed at myself ,because I never showed her the real me or had never told her how I felt about her.She kept telling me the entire time that she had known him longer than me. Until I finally said , I should have never listened to her mom or our friend and just showed her the real me. That I had gotten bad advise from them and had never gotten to show her the love that i had to give her.That right there changed the entire situation and brought out feelings for me that she did not know she had.

I guess what I am saying is don't be afraid to be yourself . When you love someone never be scared to show it, if that's the way you feel, to say it or to show it.
Now be yourself and the advice you get from people may help but ,you know your feelings and yourself better than anyone else. That was almost 3 weeks ago and I don't think that I have ever been so happy with someone.

Just Be Yourself My Friends and love will find its way through.

Not all advice is good advice.

1 comment:

  1. Refering to them, the mom and her friend, we were only the middle people asking a question and sending back the answer. You should know by now that Blondes are not the same as most of us folks. In this situation Blondie did not say what she meant or maybe she did not understand the question. Well, as she states, all things happen for a reason.