Sunday, May 17, 2009

Living Our Lives Through Our Kids

Howdy Y'all

Well all of us that have kids want our kids to do better than we have done. We guide them, help them, and instruct them in life. We even train them to do what we have done in life but try to make them better. We want them to succeed where we failed. That is good that we do that, but as parents we can push that too far. I say that because I have done that myself. I have seen that more in little league sports and different associations for kids such as Junior Rodeo. When my oldest son wanted to be a bull rider I found myself pushing him to do it more than he really wanted to. I was getting overbearing with it when he would cry and not want to do it. He was 5 - 6 years old and I was forcing him to do it. When he would cry I would get mad and would yell at him and talk down to him and make him feel worse than he already did. Then I realized that he was just scared, and wanted to do it because he thought that's what I wanted him to do. I stopped doing that to him when he would fight against me. Then when he started to play football and wrestle I found myself doing it again and when I was taking him home after practice I would have him in tears, because I was beating him down for doing something wrong. I would tell him that isn't the way I would do it and he better do it this way or I wasn't coming to his practices or games again. I would tell him I wasn't gonna stand there and watch him play around and act like an idiot.

Oh My God that was so wrong. I cant believe that I had become one of those parents that I despised. One of those parents that was forcing their child to do something. I was becoming the little league parent that seen stardom living their child's life. The parents that were not good enough to do it theirselves and tried to do it through their kids. No matter how bad it was hurting the kid, because our kids love us no matter if we are the greatest athlete or not. In their eyes we are the best there ever was.

That type of parent needs to stop and think whats important in life. You being a so called Super Star, or your child having fun doing something they love to do. Its not your life its your child's life. Let your child have fun at it let them make mistakes because when you were a child you were allowed to make mistakes. Its OK to help and guide your kids but do not force your views on them and beat them down because they did do something the way you would do it. Because as parents we are not Perfect no matter how much we think we are. If you are into something does not mean your kid wants to do it. They might think its fun but they may want to try to do something else. As adults we tend to get wrapped into things so much that we try to force our kids to do it.

An example for you.

I know someone that bought a horse farm and was training horses. After moving there he changed. It seemed no matter what his kids did it was not good enough. and he would scream and yell at them. The kids felt like they were forced to come and help him in the barn. The kids wanted to move there so they could take care of their own horses and animals. Then shortly after that he was bringing in more horses than he could take care of by himself. He would make them work in the barn from the time they got home until it was time to go to bed. The kids got to where they hated to even go in to the barn. He wasn't dad any more he became the dictator and would scream, yell, and cause fights in the family. It was taking a toll in his relationship with his kids and his marriage. He was so wrapped up in the horses that he did not see his kids pulling away from him and didn't even want to be around him. He was blind to the fact that his 2 oldest despised being there and being around him because he did nothing but try and force them to work in the barn, so they moved out as soon as they were old enough just to get away from him and the barn. He still hasn't changed his daughter and him are not as close as they should be because he made the horses and everything around there his life and he forgot about his family and how to interact with them. He is so wrapped up that they cant even go out to dinner as a family because if they say something its not right in his eyes and starts a fight and then everybody is mad at each other. Is this the relationship you want with your kids that you can't be happy for them and that you can not relate to them in any way but to chew them out and belittle them for not being like you? Your kids are like you in some ways but they have their own lives, their own thoughts, and their own beliefs so don't live your life through them. You chose your life, let them choose their own life and let them live it the way they seem fit. Another thing, if there is something that you like and want to do, don't extend your ability to do it by yourself. Don't get too many animals that you can't take care of them by yourself because some day you may not have help to take care of them. And if you scream and yell at your kids to help you or if you don't appreciate the help when you get it, don't expect help when you need it. Because you made their lives a living hell when they helped you, and now when you need it you don't have it. So stop trying to live your life through your kids and live life through yourself and leave your kids alone. If you want your kids to love you and respect you then you have to do the same thing to them. But If you want to scream, yell, beat them down, treat everything they do as wrong, and try to force them to help you when you need help. Then its time to grow up and realize you made them pull away from you. Your ego and your way caused it all.


You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar

Respect your kids and they will respect you

The Light and True Love 2 Poems By Jay Martin

The Light:

As the days grow longer so does our love.
As the nights get hotter so does our love.
When we have hard times our love will shine through.
When we have good times our love shines brighter.

True Love:

Through the darkness of night our love shows the path.
Through the brightest of the day it shows bigger than the sun.
The path we walk down together is full of hope and desire.
The path we walk down alone is full anguish and despair.
With you by my side I can do anything.
When we are apart I feel alone in the world.
As we go down the path of life.
We will walk hand in hand together.
Side by side together we go.
We do not know where this path leads
With you there with me I have no care where it leads
This is the heart and soul of true Love.

Written by: Jay Martin 5/01/09 @ 1:45 am
Written with love for my love

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Worst and Greatest Day of My Life

Howdy Y'all,

One day at a time is what is given us, here in life. We have obstacles everyday. We can hit them head on, try to avoid them, or we can just accept them. We can not avoid them, if we try too they just come back bigger and stronger, with larger circumstances. We can just accept them and by the grace of God and the love of our family get through them.

A few years ago was one of the scariest of my life. That day made me realize how fragile life is. It was a day in July and I was getting ready to head to a rodeo in northern Indiana. This was on a Friday and it was the day before,when we got a phone call from my sister-in-law reminding me about my nephews birthday party on Saturday. This rodeo was no different than any other that I did all the time. My son and I would load up and go, he was 3 yrs old at this time. When I got off the phone my wife asked me what the call was about, I told her who it was and what it was about. I told her that our son would have more fun there than being at the rodeo in the 95 degree temperature and all the dirt. At the party he could swim and play and have a good time. He cried a little bit when we told him that he wasn't going with me.

I was up early and got ready to head out the door it was about 4:00 am when I hit the door. All of a sudden I stopped and ran up stairs to kiss him before I left. I kissed his cheek and whispered to him, I will always love you. I said that to him everyday since the day he was born. I then jumped the truck and headed north. about 4 hours later I arrived at the rodeo. When I got there everybody asked me where he was and I told them he was going to a birthday party that day.

All day long everything went on as normal without a hitch, but it felt a little different like something was missing. the day performance was over and had a little down time before the evening show. I checked my cell phone and I had a missed call, but I had No phone signal. I didn't pay much attention to it. I looked at my caller ID and it was my brothers phone number that came up. I just thought he was going to tell me that I was missing a good party.

The evening performance went on with out a problem, but still had that feeling that something was missing. I finished fighting bulls that night and as I walked out of the arena I heard the announcer call over the loud speaker ,that I had a phone call at the concession stand. So I headed that way, I got there and answered the phone.

It was my wife on the other end, and at that moment I felt a chill run through my body and went weak. As I said hello , the first thing I heard was Brody drowned in the pool. Immediately I collapsed and I started to cry. My whole world just ended and I had no control of it. People and friends started to gather around me. When I collapsed I dropped the phone and a really good friend picked it up and answered it. As i sat there on the ground, all i could think was that my little boy was gone and I could have stopped it. My world just ended and I would not make it through. Then the friend stuck the phone to my ear and my wife called my name and said it again. This time I heard everything she said, I missed the key point when she told me.
Brody drowned in the pool, but he is fine. then she said they were heading to her moms house. I still couldn't speak but I handed the phone back to the friend and headed to my truck and was headed to my in-laws house. By this time the people around me were in tears too and tried to stop me and I was fighting them to let me get to my truck. I had to get to my little boy and no body was going to stop me. The EMT's even blocked my truck in with the ambulance. I was furious and was cussing at them to get out of my way, my little boy needs me this is all my fault, get the f### out of my way. I gotta get to him. when another man grabbed a hold of me and sat me down on my tail gate and said stop there is nothing that you can do right now, and I was in no condition to drive. I was still cussing at them and telling them get out of my way, my little boy needs me. When Josh walked up to me and said give me the keys. I will drive and we will get there safe, I know he needs you and I will take you there safe. As I looked at him he had tears in his eyes too.I handed him the keys and we climbed in the truck and he handed his keys to someone and said follow us.

What was a 2 hour drive we made in about 45 minutes. When we got there it was about 5 minute ahead of my wife and my son. When they got there I went to the car and got him out of the car seat, and held him and hugged him. As I carried him in the house the tears were still falling. when we got in the house and sat down I looked up and asked' What happened? She looked at me and said he was reaching for a ball and fell in and nobody seen him fall. then she heard my sister-in- law scream out his name. He was floating face down. My oldest brother "Mike" dove in fully clothed and got him and handed him to another nephew. Then Mike started CPR to try and revive him. Finally after about 4-5 minutes he came back to us. Brody was dead because he had lost control of his bodily functions.

Mike took a CPR class about 16 years prior to this and never had to use it ,until then. That was 8 years ago and he is doing good. It changed my life that day and I realized how fragile life is. If you get the chance to learn something that you think you would never use, go ahead and learn it because you never know when you might change someones life with it. I want to thank everybody that was there that day. If you wasn't there, then only God knows what would have happened.

I am writing this with tears in my eyes, tears of joy because I have my son still today,tears of sadness, because I almost lost my son, and year of thankfulness because of family and friends. Without them life would be different.


I normally don't use names but this I had too ...

tty later

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Bed Hogs

Howdy Y'all

Have you ever slept with someone and by the morning you only have about 10% of the bed and they are taking up the other 90% of it. Those people are called "BED HOGS". Bed hogs are very hard to sleep with no matter how hard you try. Sometimes you can get used to it but why should we. why should we have to surrender our sleeping space and comfort for someone else. Isn't our sleep worth it, to them I guess not. I think our sleep is just as important as their sleep is to them don't you think?

Kids are as bad or worse than adults most of the time. I have 2 boys and they are bad. In the middle of the night you hear a little voice come out of the dark. Can I sleep with you, I'm scared or I had a bad dream. As a parent we say yes come on and you slide over enough for them to climb in. Little do you know that little bit you move over is just the start of a long night of a slow drift across your big comfy bed. By morning you are hugging to the edge of the bed, completely on the other side from where you started.

I have done this more than once since I became a dad, with the same result every single time. Even though I know this is gonna happen I let them in every time. It all starts so sweet and innocent. Shortly after they are back a sleep the slow migration starts to the other side of your sleeping world. They snuggle up to you so nice tho keep warm and secure. a little while later you have an elbow in your ribs, so you move to get comfortable again. Then you have you have a little arm around your neck,and you wake up because you feel like you are being choked. you get them back in line and back to sleep you go. All of a sudden you feel what you think is a baseball bat being pushed into your back. So you slide over, roll back over to find a little knee being driven into your spine. So you slide over a little bit more. Now you are back asleep and have a nice dream going, and then all heck breaks loose, it feels like you are getting beat up in a fight and you can't do anything to stop it. So you jump and you are awake again for the 4th or 5th time in the last 3 hours. By this time you realize that you aren't in a fight, but you are getting the crap beat out you. But its not a big thug in a dark alley, its you sweet loving child. He or she is having a bad dream and throwing punches in the dark, and striking vital points on your your body. So again you are awake and you slide over once more. You get them calmed back down and settled back to sleep. Finally you doze off, the next thing you feel like Chuck Norris just kicked you in the mouth. "Awake again". Your sweet child just slammed their heel right into your mouth. You set up in bed and check for bleeding, good no blood this time. You wonder how they got their heel up to your head to hit you in the mouth. You lean over to kiss them before you go back to sleep. then you notice that its not their face your kissing their feet. You are back to sleep again and then you get the feeling that you are being pushed and hanging off a cliff. When you wake up you are careening face first off the bed and crashing into the floor. About the timeyou get off the floor and lay back in bed. The time your haed hits the pillow,you pull the blankets back up, and you start to relax again. Then you hear a loud beeping in your ears, damn its your alarm its time to get up and get ready for work.

It was another wonderful night sleep (lol)
Just remember that they are your kids and you love them so don't be mad at them. because you let them in your bed.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Road Side Roses

Howdy Y'all,

I wanted to start out and ask a question. Ladies would you rather have flowers from a florist or just because he was thinking of you and picked them from the side of the road? Think about it. I am the type of man that loves to give little gifts for no reason at all. I will give a card, a little note or just pick some wild flowers on the way home from work just to show her how much I love her. I do that because , I hope it makes her day a little better or just to make her smile. part of it is to let her know that I was thinking about her.

These type of flowers I call road side roses. They are not roses but they carry the same meaning, Love, caring, romance, and how much she means to me. Most people who know me say I am a hopeless romantic, and I believe they are right. I will do what I can do to make her feel special.

I was married for 12 years, then I got divorced, and we both took love for granted. neither one of us showed each other that we loved nor cared. Over time with no romance in our lives it takes a tole on each other and our feelings. About 8 years into my marriage I got the idea to start being more romantic and by this time it was too late. By this time when I would do something romantic or caring to show how much I loved her. She would look at me and say what are you feeling guilty about this time, what did you do this time. It went on this way for the next 2 years until we separated and eventually divorced. After that I vowed that if I ever found a woman to fall in love with I would show her that I love her and think about her always. That she would always know that.

Now that I have my girlfriend and I can prove to her how much I am in love with her. She told me that she has never had anyone do that for her. Give her cards, little love notes on her pillow, or road side roses. Don't get me wrong I will go to the florist and get real roses for her. I even go as far as sending her text message in the morning to tell her that I love her and wish her a good day, or let her know that I cant wait to see her.

So ladies if you boyfriends, husbands, or fiance's start doing this don't question it just go with it and enjoy the love he is showing you. But guys if you start to do this because you have screwed up then don't start. It gives us men who love our ladies a bad rap.

In closing no matter if its road side roses or just a little note that shows you love her then cherish it.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Adrenaline Junkies

Howdy Y'all

Here is one for ya its just some random thoughts.
I am a adrenaline junkie and have been all my life, if there isn't a fear factor then it wasn't appealing to me. We all know someone that is this way,the crazy friend. You know that guy or girl that will try anything once or twice (if they survive the first try .

I rode motor cycles for years and been close to 200mph on a public road , bungee jumped, rodeo bulls for yrs and was a rodeo clown/bullfighter. When I was little I wanted to be a movie stunt man something about that made my blood boil and I had to try it. When I was in high school, I took the pole vaulting mats and stacked them up behind the football field bleachers. Then I climbed on top of the announcers box at the top of the bleachers. Then I climbed on top of there stood there for a second or 2, then took 2 steps and dove off. While falling through the air I rolled slightly and landed in the center of the mats. As I hit I felt the air get pushed out of my lungs in a gust, as I lay there not able to breathe and moaning. That was so" awesome "was running through my mind. It was running my mind because I couldn't talk, hell I couldn't even That was 20 yrs ago and I think back ,how stupid I was. When I was fighting bulls in the rodeo I would let a bull hit me and through the air just for fun, so the crowd would get a show and to get them to scream. I would feed off of the crowd and their reaction of it. When I was really young I would wreck my bicycle, on purpose just to do it and I thought that it was fun. When I was in high school my buddies and I would go to the old lime stone quarries about 20 miles to the south of us and i would jump off of the highest part, this one in particular was used in the movie form the late 70's called "Breaking Away" staring Dennis Quaid. More than once I would through caution to the wind and bale off of this 97 foot cliff.

But now that I am older I set back and feel everything, and all the punishment I put my body through. Especially when I get out of bed in the I would not trade that feelings I had and the fun I had for anything. I have had around 18 broken bones some of them more than once, fingers, ribs,ankle,wrist and arms. the worst was broken vertebrae in my neck in 1992.

But now that I am older, I love the stories I can share with people, about how much fun I had .
People look at me a lil different than most and I like that because I dont wanna like everyone else I love being me. Just a lil bit off center. I take a lil different road than most. I can say my life is not boring And I dont wanna be boring I just wanna be me.

talk to y'all later

remember just be yourself

From the outside looking in

When you start in a relationship with someone you get all kinds of advise from friends and family. Sometimes its good and sometimes it's not so good. Everybody thinks they know you better than yourself and they know you but you know your feelings better than anyone.

Your family and your friends tell you to slow down. Don't rush in, you are gonna get hurt. Sometimes we do rush into things. And sometimes we do get hurt. When we get hurt we feel devastated,but we bounce back and it makes us stronger in our next relationship.

All everyone else can see is what happen the last time and they cant see what is actually going on between the 2 of you. They don't see you 2 alone and the way you make each other smile.

My best friend lives in Oklahoma he has been there for me in my hard times. he helped me through my divorce and through when I had a girl friend that used me to get back with her ex-husband he knows me better than anybody. I know him the same way. When he got with his girlfriend I asked him a question that we ask each other every time we get in a relationship with someone: If all you know about her now is all you ever know about her is that enough for you to fall in love with her and spend the rest of your life with her, and marry her? If we hesitate with the answer then the other one asks are you sure she is what you want or are you settling? When I asked him that question 2 years ago when he was with a girl he has known since grade school. He went silent for just a second or 2 then he said he didn't know. Then a year ago I asked him again with the woman he is with now. He answered YES before I even finished the question.

He is in love with her I can tell when we talk on the phone when I ask about her. The tone in his voice changes. It makes me happy that he has found someone to make him so happy.

Back to the story.

When I got with my girlfriend I caught a lot of flack from my family about moving too fast. But they don't they don't see the way she makes me feel when we are together. I can tell she feels the same way when she sees me after a small time apart. She has a smile from ear to ear,just like I do. When we are together I can see 40 years in the future. What I mean by that is that lil old couple in the mall walking hand in hand, and him standing there in a store holding her purse while she tries on clothes. the look that he has in his eyes when she comes out of the dressing room. The look I am talking about is that he is so in love with her, more than when they were just married more than that morning. He falls more in love with her every minute of every day.

Just remember 1 thing the only person that knows your feelings, is you. Your friends and family are just trying to keep you from getting hurt, because they love and care about you. They don't want to see you hurt. Just be careful and know your own feelings. You and her are the only ones that know what you 2 want. The 2 of you are feeling the same way about this beautiful life you 2 are sharing with each other. Dont be afraid to share your feeling with the person you are with.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Out Of The Mouths Of Babes

Howdy Y'all

There was a TV show that was called; Kids Say The Darnedest Things. That is true ,they will say anything at anytime.sometimes its funny and makes you laugh, can make you cry, warm your heart, or it embarrasses you. This got me thinking last night coming back home from a nice dinner out.

we were driving home and the girls were in the back seat,1 playing nintendo Ds and 1 just talking about anything that popped into her pretty lil head.At 1 point she was talking about, I am going to use her words in some of this, her older sister that died shortly after she was born. She was saying that she was in heaven with God and with Chewie ( a dog that passed away last summer). she was saying this and it was so sweet in the manner that she was saying it. As she was saying it ,my girlfriend was tearing up because it was so sweet.

About 2 years ago I was house sitting for some friends that went to Texas for a month. It was my weekend with my boys. After work I picked them up at my brothers house and was heading back to the friends house. As we went around a bend in the road there was a small animal in the road. About the time we passed it he asked, Dad what was that? I looked over at him and said its a opossum son. He said, oh thats what they look like, Alive . Omg I laughed till I almost cried.

That is just 2 examples of stuff that kids will say at any given time at any place. I could tell you more but I would be here all day. we all have instances where we have been in that situation and dont have any idea what will come out of their mouths. So cherrish them all because kids only see life in black and white and there is no grey area in between. If they say something that shouldn't be said just explain it to them about it, and dont loose your cool because they will say only what they are feeling. If adults would act that way a little bit of time and say things that they mean then we would all have a little more understanding with each other a little more.

Thank you for taking time to read this .