This past Monday was a bitter sweet day. I am happy to be part of, but I am deeply saddened about this day. I was moved in a very special way Sunday, I was invited to share in a birthday. Monday was the birthday of a little girl that I have never met, but means so much to me. All day long I did everything I could do to get back to my girlfriends house, to join her. Every year she and her 2 little girls go to a small cemetery to visit the grave of her daughter that passed away, almost 6 years ago. I felt honored that she asked me to go with them.
I was on a job that kept going on and nothing was going right and taking longer than it should have taken. It was about 5:00 pm when I talked to her on the phone and told her to go on and go. I felt bad for saying that, because I wanted to go. I felt like part of the family when she asked me to go. I felt like I was letting her down and that is something I never want to do. If I went then it meant I was part of her family and that is what I really want to be. She told me that they would wait on me because she really wanted me to go with them. She said as long as I was there before dark they would wait on me. I was almost in tears that I meant that much to her that she would wait for me to share this part of her life, with me.
When I hung up the phone I prayed to God for everything to start to come together on the job. I would love to be there for her and those 2 little girls on this day of memorial. I know he was listening, because shortly after that the water temperature started stabilizing and the temperatures were raising back to the proper temperature. By this time it was about 6:20 and I had about 1 1/2 hour drive back to her house.
I am gonna back up a little to explain the feelings I had that day. Last week the job I had was canceled and I was at her house working on the book that I am writing, when I hit a point that I was stuck and could not write any more. So I got up from the computer and grabbed a scrapbook off of the shelf. This told her daughter's life story and by the time I closed it I had tears streaming down my face. Now I felt like I invaded her privacy and didn't know what she would say if I told her that I looked through it. OK I was scared of what she would say and think of me for doing that. On Sunday she looked at me and asked if I knew what Monday was and looked at her and said Yes I do know. The tears started to build in my eyes, then she asked if I would go with them. By this time the tears were streaming down my face. She said she would love to have me go with her and the girls. I looked at her and said I had something to tell her. That the day that I was there I got the scrapbook down and looked at it. I was choked up and waited for her to start to yell or tell me to get out of her house. But just the opposite happened she hugged me and said I hoped you would look at it. I felt so much better after she said that.
On the way back it seemed like Gods hand was over my truck. The traffic was all cleared out of the way and I only got stopped a couple of times by traffic lights. I arrived about 7:30 and she smiled at me and said you made it. I looked her and said I wouldn't miss this for the world.
A little while later we all got in the car and headed to the cemetery. When we arrived we parked and started up the hill. When we arrived to the top, she and the girls went ahead of me. I stood back out of the way and let them do what they normally do there. When my girlfriend looked over at me and said come over closer. As I walked closer I had all these emotions run through my body, fear, guilt, nervousness, happy, and sad all rolled up together at 1 time.
With everything that happened Sunday and Monday I believe it made me more open to my feelings. It was a wonderful day that will always be in my heart and in my soul.