Thursday, October 8, 2009


Howdy Y'all

This cane to mind this morning" Drama" its all around us. Not like in the movies or anything like that. I am talking about drama in our lives. This "Drama is also known as "Gossip" or"Hear Say". The funny thing is, it's very rarely right. No matter what you say its gonna get turned around and blown way out of proportion, before it gets back to you. we all know about this and it has happened to all of us.

You know when you tell someone that you are going to do something. They tell someone, then that person tells someone, they tell someone else and so on it goes. then finally when it gets back to you its no where near what you said in the first place.

Drama in the most cases can be someones actions not wanting to give a little bit for the best of a situation. That can create drama in it. A lot of people see things a certain way, never sway from what they see, no matter if they are wrong or right. In their own little minds its "my way or the high way" and that causes so much drama in life. Not everyone sees things the same way. We all have different opinions and see things differently. Everyone does things different, but if it gets done, then who are we to say its not right. As long as in the end we have the same result.

I know quite a few people that will not "let a sleeping dog lie". What I mean by this is no matter what the situation is they keep bring it up just to bother someone. If you keep picking a scab it will will never heal and over time it gets sore and can get infected and be worse than when it happened. That's the way rumors and gossip starts and gets going and at the end they are worse then they were when they got started. Drama is like an open wound it keeps flowing and flowing until it gets so bad that feelings get hurt and no there is no way to heal the problem. In the end it is a hell of a lot worse than when it started. It may be 3 hours old or many many years ago but if it keeps being brought up the wound is still fresh in your mind and the person that you keep bringing it up too. So drop it and get along with your own life and let the sleepy dog go to sleep and lay there. But if you are that petty that you have to make other peoples lives miserable then go and see a psychiatrist and get checked into a hospital somewhere and get some help.

These people keep bring up and creating "Drama" in their lives and it spreads to everyone around them and it become a disaster for everyone involved.
Something comes up just now...... If you cant say anything nice then don't say anything at all.... That means if you want to say something that's not nice then shut up and keep your opinions to your self , because you are not helping the problem all you are doing is making it worse. Get the picture......Shut up......
Now we all know people like this and they never help the problem because they are the problem. They cant see they are the problem because in their mind they are always right or they are trying to make everyone think they are right.
Has every one heard of the "golden rule"........ Do unto to others as you would have them do unto you....... well these type of people the " golden rule is .......Do unto others BEFORE they do unto you.....

A lot of times people create drama in someone else's life to try to make them second guess the choices that they have made . They also do it to make the person feel bad about them selves , when this happens the person that is causing the drama feels jealous and wants the other person to feel as bad as they do. Another way they can cause drama is always criticizing someone and making them feel like they have no control over their own life and trying to make them feel like they can not make it with out them.

It could be something minor or something major, but most of the time it gets blown up so big that it is ridiculous. and by the time it gets back to the person who said or did it, it is no where near the same thing that it was in the beginning. These type of people are jealous and selfish that someone has or is doing something that they want to do that they are going to try to make that person not want to do it. They only see the negative side of everything and can not be happy that someone is doing good for them selves. these people can be anyone we know ..... they could be a family member, a friend, or someone you work with.

Just be careful of what you say or do around these people. Do not let them influence you in any way because they will try. Be careful of the Drama kings and Drama queens in your life and don't tell them every detail of your life. Just keep them on a short leash and dont let them run to far with anything that you let them know about.........

Just remember what you say or do could end up on You Tube lol

Have a wonderful day
... And The Cowboy Rides Off Int The Sunset...

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Is a player always a player

Howdy Y'all

I started this on 8/11/09 and finished it today enjoy!
Is a player always a player? That is a question we need to ask ourselves. Its not that we are being played its that we allow ourselves to be played, we believe that what the person is saying is true. We all have been played in 1 way or another at least once in our lives. After we are played we get angry, depressed, or both.

Take this for example my friend Valerie. She was dating this guy a couple years ago and she was madly in love with him and he knew it. he would do everything to pull her in closer to him. the closer she got the more his true self showed. I know both of them and I warned her about him. She kept telling me you don't know the real him. I did know the real him and all about him. When he was out at the bar the only thing was to find some random woman, get in her pants, and get so drunk that he would get some woman take him home and then try it there. He would use people for anything he wanted,and when he got it he would cast them away. So not long after that he got what he wanted he moved on to the next victim. He wasn't man enough to tell her it was over he just stopped calling her and taking her calls. Except about once a month or too when he wanted to have sex. Then he would call her and like an idiot she would answer and accommodate him. after that she would come back crying to me. Wondering why he was treating her bad again.

She has whined about this for over a year now and guess what she is back in the same boat again. She started dating him again, and it all started all over and she fell into the rut just like the last time. A couple of months ago he went to the lake with some friends and came back his true blue self. The player he was before. This time when they were together they went to buy something he wanted but could not get financed for. So she gladly did it. Now that he has what he wanted he cast her away again. This time he has his pets call and threaten her to stay away from him. The pets I am talking about are the girls that he sleeps with and is playing them.

I have told here over and over about him and let her cry on my shoulder about him that I am at the end of my rope about it. I am tired of hearing it she needs to cut all ties to him and move on. She also needs to stop hanging out at the same places he does. Every time she runs back to him and gets her heart shattered she crawls into a hole and watches life go by and that's no way to live.

So is a player always a player....... I don't think so because people change, of they really want too. Most of the time a player will remain a player as long as he or she finds the game fun and gets what they want. We can all be a player in the game if we allow our selves too. The game is not hard to play. All you got to do is to convince people that you are greater than they think you really are. So you have to become a fantastic liar, so good that you even believe it. You need to get an arrogance about you that some people can not stand and that will bring other people too you. That will be the people that you can play and get them to believe that you are the greatest thing since sliced bread. You start telling these people that you are playing; everything that they want to hear and build yourself bigger than life. After they start believing what you are telling to be the truth, then you have them hooked. Once you have them hooked its just like fishing, you start reeling them in, closer ,closer, and closer. Until you can get your hands on them. Now you have your hands on them you can really start to work on them........

You have them you are really in the game now, you still keep up telling them everything they want to hear. Now you have a new way to convince them that you are for real. You have to be very careful though and not get to involved that it will blow your cover. Now you can show them you false side that you have built up to them and made them think that you are the real thing. You have them right where you want them so kick the game into high gear because it the final quarter of the game. So you really need to work hard to keep their attention on you. Now that you got what you wanted cut your ties with this person and move on to your next victim.....

Sometimes people play others they think they can get a little bit more from them. Like in the case above. I know the male thinking and I know it is true when I say this. When a man sleeps with a woman 1 time its etched in his brain that he can get her again. Most of the time it is true, they can get her in bed again. The way they do this is to keep in contact with her every so often. They may the day after call, text, or E-mail her. Which makes her think well he is thinking of me....WRONG..... He is thinking I got her once I will get her again.... Alot of women will reply right back to the player. He says to himself "yes alright I got her ". then if she does not answer back the player will do something else later in the week or in the next 2 weeks to keep fresh in her mind. It can be a text or E-mail, anything to get her attention back aiming for them. The best thing to do at this point is if you found out that this person is a player. Is to stop all contact with them and see how serious they are about you. If you answer right back , its like throwing gasoline on a fire. Its bright, its hot, it get your blood flowing, but 2 things can happen 1) the flames burn out quickly 2) you get burned very bad. so think about that. Because once you get played you are down, and that opens you up to more players to come along and do it again.

So be aware of the game that is being played and see who is playing the game. Is it you or is it the other person. Are you doing all the work for something and the other is just talking..... Then you are being played my friend and you are not the player. You are just a small piece of the puzzle.

I leave this with you to think about and I will be back with more on players at another time.

...So may God bless you....

... The Cowboy Rides Off Into The Sunset...

Tuesday, September 22, 2009


Howdy Y'all

I was sitting the other night watching a movie and one of the characters asked another one what he was searching for. He turned and looked at him and said" I don't know what I am searching for, but I am searching for something I have too find". Are you searching through life for something, you really have no idea what you are searching for?

Have ever lost something and keep searching for it to find it at the same place you looked first. This is a little along these lines, but not exactly. This is about the search that we have in our lives.
A lot of times in our lives we feel lost, have lost something, or feel we are missing something.We do not have any idea what it is but something is not right. Being on the search can be a scary thing especially when we don't know what we are searching for. You can't put your finger on it but you feel you have to search this thing out. We may not be missing anything but we search any way.

When we search we gain knowledge, experience new things, and learn about people and places that we thought knew or we think we know. In these searches there are a lot of ups and a lot of downs, along the way. We try new things and sometimes meet new people. Sometimes we like these new things and make them apart of our lives. When they are not what we want or need in our lives we need to dismiss these things and chalk it up to a learning experience.

Sometimes during our search our emotions can get all caught up in them and we get confused about them. Sometimes feelings get lost in the search and then we get lost inside ourselves and don't know why this happened.

When we start searching for whatever we feel is right. We think that it is worth searching for. Then once we get on the search we realize that what we think we are searching for is not worth the search and not what they really are. Sometimes they are exactly what you wanted and need in your life.

Sometimes we search for something that we already have and don't realize that we have it. A saying comes to mind about this. "You don't know what you got till it's gone" is from 80's rock band "Cinderella". That saying is so true, because sometimes we do something and after we do it we look back and say it was better before you thought you started searching. That is something you have to figure out for your self.
We search and search and search for something in our lives that we think we are missing. All along they where right there in front of us, right under our noses. They were hidden in plain site, you were just blinded by everything that goes on in life. Trust me I have done this myself.

We feel we need to search for something better even though it may be worse than what we already have.

Sometimes we search for something and find out that is was exactly what we thought it would be. The search was the best thing to do in that case.

When we decide to go on our search and leave the security of things just be honest with yourself. Don't get high hopes that is going to be better. Because what ever the out come of your search it was your choice to make. When you feel that you have to search for something then go for it.

We search for things out there that may be a physical need or want. Sometimes its an emotional or spiritual search. It could be something we are missing in our personal life. We don't know what it is but it is missing, that closeness in a relationship. From a parent, spouse, and/or children but something is missing. If its a physical void that we have we must think about it and see if we can be happier with it. Sometimes we will be happier with it and sometimes it may complicate our lives more. We need to weigh all the options before we choose to start searching. A lot of times we start searching for something because we have not had closier in a certain situation and we have a need for that closier in it before we can move forward in our lives. It eats and eats at us until do something about it. Sometimes it may be just a suggestion that we make. That may fix it. Sometimes it takes a drastic measure to do this. Something drastic could change your whole life in a way you never expected, in a good way or in a bad way. Just be careful in your choices and if you decide to start on your search. Think about 1 thing what you are missing may not be at the end of your search. It maybe the search you are missing. The search you may be on may not be out there It could be inside you so search inside your self and you may find what you are looking for .

Thank you !!!
Have a wonderful journey while you search and I hope you find what you are looking for......

...The Cowboy Rides Off Into The Sunset...

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Thoughts Of You

Howdy Y"all

Just a lil poem I wrote I hope you enjoy it.

Thoughts Of You

As the clouds roll by on that beautiful blue canvas
I can feel your arms around me
These both are a beautiful thing

The clouds in the sky
Your arms around me
it puts my soul at ease

The clouds and their beautiful background
Pale to the beauty of your smile
And the feel of your touch

As I close my eyes
I see your smile
I feel you touch

This all takes my breath away
My thoughts run back to you
I can't explain the way you make me feel

As time goes by my feelings grow stronger
You are in my heart
You are in my soul

I will carry your love with me
From this day forth
Until the day we are together

Only time will tell
My love
Only time will tell

Thank You!!

... The Cowboy Rides Off Into The Sunset...

Addictions..... Do you have one?

Howdy Y'all

The other night I went and got a movie that a special friend had encouraged me to watch. We had made plans to watch it together, but certain circumstances rose up that we could not do that. So i took it on myself to watch it. It was amazing and I have watched twice since Monday. The movie is called "Fire Proof" starring Kirk Cameron. Kirk Cameron was a 1980's TV star. The sit com he was on was called "Growing Pains",some of you may remember it.

Fire Proof is about a married couple on their way to a divorce. Kirk plays a fireman and some of the struggles that he is growing through in his life.

1) lack of respect at home ... he feels

2) addictions that he has

3) ego that he has .... in his job

4) lack of communication... he has in his marriage

5) lack of self worth

These are all things some of us feel in our lives from time to time. This gave me an idea and I feel that i needed to share it with you today.


We all have an addiction of some sort. Something we do that we really have no control over. I have at least 1 of them that I know of and i may have more. While I go through this lets see if I do and maybe you have them too.

The addiction I have and everyone that knows me is Tobacco, I have never smoked in my life and probably would not even know how too. I am a tobacco chewer. I will be one for the rest of my life and it is a hard habit to quit. everyday I am faced with this. I see it every where, friends with a dip in, at the store and gas station, and I feel that I need one to get through a stressful day just to relax.I am managing this pretty well. I am and have quit, but it is a very hard thing to do. people that do not have this don't really understand how hard it is to do.

there are a million thing out there that we get addicted too. I will list a few of them, the major ones that we hear about everyday in our lives. They don't have to be a substance like tobacco, alcohol, or even drugs. we can be addicted to many different things and sometimes more that one at a time.

Drugs ...Legal prescription and illegal drugs.... such as meth and crack cocaine , marijuana.


exercise..... that sounds funny but i have heard of it.

dieting or eating...

sex.... both physical and Internet..... porn

people ... yes we can be addicted to people

and an obsession that we think we can't live without...... such as a car , a boat, a house, or even with the perfect relationship.

The Internet can fuel a lot of these addictions such as porn, there are a lot more than porn that we can get addicted too on-line. LOL I am getting addicted to blogging.

we can also get addicted to social net working like , Myspace, Facebook, and the latest Twitter.

Do not get me wrong I do Facebook and Myspace from time to time, it's fun to pass the time and to meet people, get in contact with school friends. You can also be addicted to dating websites too. There are too many to mention. They flood our TV's everyday with advertisements.

Websters dictionary definition

Addictions ·dic·tion
Pronunciation: \ə-ˈdik-shən, a-\
Function: noun
Date: 1599
1 : the quality or state of being addicted 2 : compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance (as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal; broadly : persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be harmful

In the movie he was addicted to getting his boat that he put everything in life on hold to get this boat. during this process he had alienated his wife and his duties as a husband. This in turned started to separate him and his wife in an emotional way. He was neglecting his wife in a way that it drove a wedge between them and pushed them apart. This addiction to getting his boat overwhelmed him and it was all he could think about and made him forget what really meant the most to him; his wife and family. When someone is addicted to something they loose focus on what is really important in their lives. Now that this cloud is around their rational thought it opens your mind up to other things that can be addicting. In the movie he was so compelled to get this boat, he shut his wife out, his home life out, his marriage was the last thing on his mind. when this started happening he started feeling a void in his life he was searching for something he was missing, that was Internet porn. He was getting consumed by that and the boat. So now he was addicted to the boat and porn. and it confused him and his mind set and made him think that that stuff was more important than everything else.

An addiction can and will make you question your values of whats important in life. From your relationship to your job. Your family, friends, job,and everything that you know and love will take a back seat to this.  you need to sit back and evaluate what your doing and think about whats really important to you. you realy need to admitt to your self that you have a problem, you can lie to everyone else and tell them I am fine and you can belive it for awhile. You can not lie to yourself for very long and keep doing this destructive behavior and loose everything that holds and has value in your life.

In the movie it all works in the end. I highly recomend that you watch this and take into concideration that you may have some addiction(s) and  try to correct them if its not to late. With help you can over come this and get your life back on the right path. With gods guiding hand and support you can do this.

Thank you
 ....The Cowboy Rides Off Into The Sunset....

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Rejection We All Feel It

Howdy Y'all

I am back again

Let me start by saying I have been going through a lot in my life over the last couple of weeks. With Gods guiding hand and a whole lot of soul searching I am starting to see the haze in my head starting to leave.

I come to you today to tell y'all about a book I read its is a wonderful book. it opened my eyes to a lot of the feelings and emotions I was and still going through.
The book is called "The Root Of Rejection" by Joyce Meyer.
In the book she dives into "rejection" and how it has an effect on our lives. In both men and women.

It identifies:
How the rejection starts ( the root of rejection)
Rejection: causes.... and results
rejection and your perception
Walls of protection and why we build them
Rejection protection patterns
Rejection and perfection
Perfect... by faith!
The fear of man
Manipulation and control

This book is one the best books I have ever read. If you feeling get hurt easily and you don't know why maybe this book will help you. There are many many different ways that some form of rejection can and will control our lives. Rejection can have a tremendous impact on our lives that we never even thought of.
Joyce Meyer is a minister and an every day person that feels rejection in her life and this book will help you deal with a lot of it.
If you want my opinion buy the book and read it and study what it says, you will get a great deal on how life will slap you in the face and try to keep you down. She uses The word of God, the bible, true life stories, and experiences from people to help you understand.
"The Root of Rejection" is only 109 pages so it wont take you very long to read it.
I believe it will help you.

I am in the process of reading another book she wrote called
"Battle Field Of The mind"
I will write about it when I am finished with it.

Thank You !

you can buy this book on-line
or you can possibly find it at your nearest Christian book store.
I was lucky I had a friend give me a couple of them and I passed one onto another friend to read.
Thank You again !

.......The cowboy rides off into the sunset......

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

"Letting Go"

Howdy Y’all
I am back with another thought in my mind. This is something that came to me earlier today, I thought I would write it out to see where it leads.
We all have heard or used the term “letting go”. There are a millions of meanings for this term. Some are hard to do, some are easy to do, and some are a good thing. Letting go is a very scary thing to do, for all of us. The scary part of that is not knowing what is going to happen, when you let go. When you are letting go you have a million things run through your mind.
Letting go can be hard, but we have to know what we are letting go of. What are we going to let go of, is it physically letting go of something, like are we hanging off the side of a cliff. If we let go we have no idea what is going to happen, will we live after the fall or will we perish in a cloud of dust. We don’t know and there is the fear of letting go and not knowing the out come.. It is the uncertainty of the whole thing. We can be a parent whose child is leaving for the first time and that scares us to death. We want the best for them and we want to help them in there lives, but they need to be on their own, to make their own choices. They will make mistakes, and learn from them. They will do great things and we will be proud of them. Just remember we have to let go of them and we can’t shelter them.
Right now I am letting go of something and I am so scared to let go. I don’t know where this will lead. When letting go of something that means the world to you, it hurts very very bad because we don’t want too. But if we don’t let them go, to spread their wings and fly. It can only be a bad thing down the road for all parties involved. People need their space to grow as a person. So they can grow in life. Our children need it to grow into the person God has planned for them to be. I know how hard this is, trust me I know. When you let them go they will become stronger in life and they will find their own direction and path way through life to get to the place God has for them.
We try and try to hold on to them as hard and as tight as we can, that might work for a short time, but in the long run they will grow to resent you. How would you feel if they resent you? ….. That is one scenario of what could happen. If that happens then, the thing you love the most is gone and you have lost them forever. Now can you live with that? I can’t. I would want them in my life because God has brought you together for one reason or another.
When you let them go they will know that you love them and you know they have to go. It is very hard because you never know if that person will make it on their own, and/ or if they will ever come back to you. That is just something that you have to do. Just be patient and pray for them, to be safe. Reassure them that you love them and respect their decision. And then let them go. But don’t be angry. Be there when and if they need you. Because we all need some support from friends and our family from time to time. No one is so independent that we can do everything on our own. If we could, we would all be just like Superman. We need to talk to someone when we cant figure out something on our own. It is ok to ask for help, and just let that person know that when ever they need help you will be there for them.
Letting go is hard on both parties. Just remember that the person you are letting go of is trying to find things out and growing as a person and that is a good thing. They are having the same feeling that you are. And they are scared of where it will lead them.
All we can do sit back and let them go and live their lives, and maybe someday you will be back together stronger than before. Maybe you wont be together but you have a friendship that will grow stronger than it ever was before. Because they know that you sacrificed for them to grow and that you respect their decision. That will mean more to them, than if you tried to stop them or stand in their way.
So have a great journey and I will see you on the path way of life.
Its not the destination you are heading for it’s the journey that you are taking.
So cherish the good times.
Have a good evening and thank you for reading.
……The cowboy rides off into the sunset ….

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Hind Sight

When time has passed, things in our lives become clearer. There are situations that arise that we have no control over. A quote comes to mind "hind sight is 20/20. That is very true. After you do something and you think its the right thing to do, and then it backfires and blows up in your face. Someone gets hurt, you loose something special, and then you wallow in your self pity. But its not always something that goes wrong, sometimes its a good decision. Then later down the road you look back and say "wow I made a great choice, way back when". A quote I have been hearing and also using lately is "time will tell". Time will tell if you made a good choice or not. Then once in awhile a decision gets made that you can't keep from being made. when that happens you will have You may not like the decision that was made , but you will have to see how it plays out in the end. Alot of times the decision the choice that was made hurts and is hard to deal with. But time will tell if it was good or a bad choice.

As you look back on these choices and decisions (hind sight) that were made. You can say "OMG" or Oh My God that was the wrong thing to do.
I have done both in my life good and bad choices. I have said "I am glad I did that" and I have said" boy you are a dumb A** Why did I do that. We all have done that and don't say you haven't. Trust me, we all do it. From the ice cream cone we didn't really want to the car we bought and maybe a person we dated.

The choices we make, we have to live with because it's what we wanted at that time and place. Another quote comes to mind now, my ex-wife told me. A 90 year old lady told her one day while at work in the nursing home. "Don't ever regret your choices, live your life with no regret because you made your choice".
I try to live my life that way. When I make a decision I try to think about how I will feel about it down the road. sometimes it works out good. Then sometimes it's not so good. "Ok" it gets really bad. I do regret that choice that I made, but that is human . No one is perfect, no matter how hard we try. There is no perfect car, no perfect food, and no perfect person. Just think how boring that would be if everything was perfect. There would be no reason to improve on anything. No doctors, no gossip( I have been in alot of gossip lately ),and there would be nothing new. Everything is perfect.

When we look back we will say sometimes. If I had that to do again I would do this different. That's good to say, but we can't change the past. If we could change what we did back then. Then everything you know in the present we know would be different. Everything happens for a reason. I would change things in my past, but then I might not be as fortunate as I am now. I may not have the experiences I have had in my life. The people I know and love, I may have never met them. We may have people in our lives that had a negative influence on us, could have helped us down the wrong path. For some reason or another we don't have that person in our lives anymore. That was a good choice,because where would we be now. If they were still in our lives. Prison, be on a street corner begging for change to get our next meal or next drink, or buried 6 feet under ground. That scares me too death to think about that. If we think back ,we all know people like that. On the other side of this if we changed the past. The person or experiences that we cherish the most, may never have never come into our lives. We may not have our jobs, our true friends, the person you fall in love with or Oh yes our children. "Yes " our kids lets not forget them. they drive us crazy, give us so much stress and worry, but we love them unconditionally. how would you feel if your children were never born. That is hard to think about. But it could be possible if you changed the past.

Hind sight will help us in the future to not to make the same bad choices.we have made in the past. The blind date from hell (she has a great personality), the deal we thought we were getting , that took away our life savings, or that person we met in the bar on the business trip, with out our spouse (not everyone does or have done that). It can also help us make good choices too. Like finding help for an addiction, the day you met the love of your life, the day you won the lottery (yee haw dang not this week).

Hind sight can be a good thing and it can be a bad thing. No matter which one it helps you with your choices you have you have not yet made. So in the future and you are looking back at this blog. I hope it had a positive influence on you and you don,t look back and think that was a waste of your time.

So in closing, Thank you for your time
and have a good day.

The cowboy rides off in to the sunset....

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Embrace changes

Howdy Y'all

I want to start by saying there are changes in life that we don't understand and some we do . Some changes we need and some we don't. Some changes are good for us and some are bad for us. We all have changes and we have to accept them no matter how hard it is on us. I have gone through alot of changes in my life, single, married, kids, divorced, and countless other ones. we may not want to accept them but we do. Changes in life happen everyday. when changes come we can embrace them or try to fight them tooth and nail, but they come anyway.

When changes come around and they are hard to accept the only thing we can do is pray to God for help to understand them. we can ask God for guidance to help us cope with them. I have done this alot in the last couple of days and it has really helped me. I asked him to help me deal with the pain that I am going through and it is helping. I prayed to him for guidance down the path I am on to shine a light on it, to help me find my way.

We can be patient and wait to see where these changes lead us , or we can rush them and make things worse in the end. I have learned this over my life to let things happen in there own time, and that is very very hard to do.I have been impatient and tried to rush things and then have them come apart right in front of my eyes.

God has a plan for each and every one of us . I heard this from a very special friend tell me, God brings people in our lives for a reason . We don't know what the reason is but we learn from them. they show us how to love , they show us how to live , they give us our children. Not only do people come into our lives for a reason but changes do too. Some changes are job related, some are relationships, some are anything that we are not even expected. When changes happen at first we may not understand them, or even know why it's happening but they happen without our consent. we don't have to agree with them and some we do agree with. We do have to deal with them and let them run there course, because in the end you will be a better person . you will be a better person because you wait to see where it led you. right now the changes I am going through are ones I have to wait and see where they lead me and I know that being patient will lead me to where I am supposed to be in life. Trust me it is hard very hard to do. It is also very painful , emotional pain( which is worse than physical pain). Emotional pain cripples you in a way that physical pain can't. It will cause you not to eat or eat too much, you can loose you will to do any thing that you know you need too. It can also cause you to think the worst in any situation. You have to fight through all that and realize the change is for the best for everyone and everything involved. That is why you must be patient, because if you push the issue you could loose what special thing you are hoping and praying for.

Thats when God comes in to help he loves us, he tests us, he helps us, and he gives us these changes to make us stronger as a person. God is our light in the dark, he shines the light for us too see. With out his light, his guidance, his hand. We are lost and can miss out on something or someone special. Because we push and we shoved to try for the change to happen in the time we wanted it to. We miss out on the treasure at the end of that change. We don't know what that is but we want it. It is Gods gift to us. for believing in him and trusting in him to help us and to guide us on this journey. Changes are not the end of something it is the beginning of the new chapter in your life. A bigger and a better chapter than the one you were just in. Just think of the last chapter you were in, the people you met, lives you touched, the lives you charged for ever. In that chapter you may have met someone that will be in your heart for as long as you live. you could have helped some one whose life would not be as good as it is now , and you helped that personin some way. If it was a smile, a dollar you gave the man on the corner looking for his next drink, that could have been the dollar that changed his life. That dollar could be all he needed to get back on his feet and stop being down there begging for help. That ther is a change in someones life did you expect it "NO" you didn't.

In closing just embrace changes. Embrace little set backs in you plans. Because Gods plans for you are bigger than you could ever imagine, and are better than yours. Just remember time has a of working things out, but it's not your time it's Gods time. set back be patient and whats meant to happen will happen but only in gods time.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Million Thoughts

Howdy Y'all

I am sitting here with the house to myself with a million things running through my mind. I have a friend with guy problems, my ex wife wont help on the kid weekend problem, my books that I am writing, job, and what ever pops into my head. I know this is life. Yes I know the quote "things happen for a reason" but sometimes its hard to think that way. My last blog "Lost in this world" I feel that way sometimes. I feel I have no direction and sometimes I feel I cant have happiness. I do know that the last 4+ months I have been happier than I have been in years. Yes things do happen for a reason with or without our control. Sometimes we feel loved and sometimes we don't but that is life. A lot of times there is silence in your relationship, maybe you don't have anything to say, and maybe you don't know how to say it. Open communication is a good thing. If its bad news then its out in the open and the 2 of you can work on it. Feelings maybe hurt and someone may get upset, but bringing it out in the open is a start. To start rebuilding you have to talk about the problem.

I have been in relationships in my past that problems were kept locked away, and later down the road it surfaced and things were worse by this time. When problems are kept hidden and locked away they fester up and get worse. then when they do come out they are harder to heal and sometimes never heal and never get worked out. when this happens "stick a fork in it because it's done". The only thing left is the crying. It's been said there is no one worth crying over but I have to differ from that. Because if you can't cry over someone, then I feel you really didn't LOVE that person. Because if you love them you will miss the good times you had and yes they are in the past, but they are also in your memories, dreams and you and them will cross paths someday. It could be at the store, the park, on vacation, or any where. Do you want to see this person and think of all the wrongs that have happened between the 2 of you, or do you want to think of the good times you had together. Sometimes the bad out weighs the good and you can't get past that. Then if you brought the problem out and you tried to work on things all you can say is "I tried".And go on.

Honesty is the best way to be with someone. A lot of times it's hard because you don't want to hurt that person. That is noble of you to think that way to save their feelings, but how does that make you feel. Knowing that you lied to someone that you care about or even love. That too will kill a relationship in the long run. Now that you lied to this person and they know you are hurt and they are upset, hurt, and confused. That could be a bad thing because the trust is gone now and where does that leave you? Nowhere but feeling terrible because you lied, lost their trust, and hurt someone very bad. But you are the only one to blame because you lied. Not telling someone what the problem is when they ask whats wrong is also lying to them. If there is a problem and they ask then set down and discuss it and see if you can compromise on the solution to fix it.

Now here is something that I hear about all the time. It happens in most of the "chick flix" someone from the past comes back into ones life. That sometimes can create a problem if the person that you are in a relationship with doesn't find out about the contact. If its an old friend is one thing, but if it's an old flame or a person you had a crush on. A problem could arise and the match needs to be extinguished before a huge fire starts. that could make things heated at home. If this happens it could be disastrous to a relationship if all parties involved are not on the same page. The person you are in the relationship with may need reassuring that you love them and that you do show signs of you loving them. Take it from me some of us have experienced this before in past relationships and know the signs of it.

1) is your partner being distant
2) being secretive when you walk into the room or hanging up when you walk in the room
3) being very defensive (that is a sign of feeling guilty)
4) when you ask a question about that person they either hesitate or answer abruptly before the question is finished
5) do they keep bring up things that they and the other person have in common

These are a few signs, but don't just go by these there are other possibilities that can lead to some of actions. Another way is to learn their facial expressions a look can answer more questions before you ask them. These are not scientific signs they are just things that I have learned over the years.

In a relationship it takes blood, sweat,and tears to make it work as long as you 2 share that together. If you two work together it then it is all worth it because you are building a life together. Because if the 2 of you decided to get into a relationship then you both saw something that each of you needed and wanted. You both care or cared about each other to give the relationship a chance to blossom and grow. Then the next step is you get engaged, it could be soon after you 2 start the relationship or it could be years into it. Either way you loved this person enough to say that you want to marry them. If you get engaged early people say it's too soon. If you Wait for years then they tell you it,s about time. it's your choice to get engaged because you both wanted it at the same time. Then is the wedding you can hurry to get married or you can wait, that to is your choice and no one else can make that decision but you and the person you said you would marry. when you finally decide on the wedding date then you will hear from people why did you make it that day. So no matter what you do people will criticise what you do. So don't listen to other people about your choices, you made them and thats what you wanted when you did it. After you made your choice, dont second guess what you decided when you hear someone critcise your decision. Because they don't know your feelings, or your heart. And don't be afraid to voice your opinion back to them because they voiced their opinion to you. When you do this don't spare their feelings remember they didn't spare yours when they criticised you.
Just remember this the Wedding is 1 day out of your life and the marriage is 1 day to be shared for the rest of your life. EVERYDAY to be shared with the 1 you fell in love with.

So have a good evening
This was just some of the million things running through my head tonight, if it helps I am happy I could help, if it didn't help I am sorry I couldn't help.
This does not pertain to anyone i general it was just my thoughts

Till next time
As the Cowboy rides off into the sunset
Good Night Y'all

Monday, August 17, 2009

Lost in this world

Lost in this world
Written: Cowboy 8/17/09

In this world we hunt for direction
In this world we hunt for happiness
We are lost in this world with no direction
We are lost in this world with no happiness
When we search for direction with no avail
When we search for happiness with no avail
Our lives we are lost with no direction
Our lives we are lost with no happiness
The more we search for direction the less we find
The more we search for happiness the less we find
Sometimes we fail in our search for direction
Sometimes we fail in our search for happiness
Times we feel there is no direction
Times we feel there is no happiness
Our lives have direction, we don’t always know the way we are going
Our lives have happiness, we don’t know why we are this way
When we have direction we find the happiness
When we have happiness we find the direction
Sometimes we drop to our knees and pray for directions
Sometimes we drop to our knees and pray for happiness
By this time we feel all has been lost
We feel we are at the end of our rope
Before you get to this point you need to remember
The lord has been with you the entire journey
You were just to blind to see the direction
You were just to blind to see the happiness
In the lord we find direction
In the lord we find happiness
Open you heart
Open your eyes
The lord will show you direction
The lord will show you happiness
So believe in him and you will find them both

Sunday, July 19, 2009

The Bent "Z" back in action

Howdy Y’all

On July 14, 2009 the “Bent Z” ranch rodeo team was back in action, at the Greene County Fair. In front of 300 to 400 spectators.

Ranch rodeo is a type of rodeo that spot lights actual ranch work in a competition style format. The Bent Z is a group of actual rodeo cowboys and a former semi pro football player. The six member team competed with 5 other teams. They competed in several different events like team penning, stray gathering, team branding, wild cow milking, and team trailer loading. The team didn’t score any points in team penning or team branding. They started out scoring points in the stray gathering where they ended up getting 3rd in that event. The next event they won, it was the wild cow milking, and they milked their cow in 42 seconds. WOW that is fast. Now last but not least they placed 2nd in the team trailer loading. It was on their rerun that they did that because the flag man dropped the flag too quick so they had to rerun, and do it all again. For all their effort and try the team ended up getting 4th place over all.

I think they did great for their second rodeo.

I am very proud of how this team works together as a unit.
Stay tuned to the blog for more updates and locations to where they will be competing.
Till next time c-yall later

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

finishing work

Howdy Y’all!!!
I am back in the saddle again!!!

What do you do when you know someone (lets call him Steve) (not his real name) that’s owns a business and they have work given to them and they don’t bother to do it. I get asked all the time if this person does not need the work or are they just too busy to do the work. Most of the time he just not return their phone calls. I then run into these people on the street and they are asking me if I am interested in doing the work. At this point I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I would love the work, and then again these people are previous customers of this other gentleman. The problem is I get a lot of work from him.

I am working on a job right now that Steve was supposed to look at over a month ago and never even called the customer back about it. The customer called me a week ago and asked if it was possible that I could do the work for him.
I agreed and what would have been a couple hundred dollar job has now grown into a lot more money than it was in the beginning.

Then last Monday I was getting material from a supply house and ran into another customer of his and asked me if I was available to finish a job that Steve and his company started. This gentleman told me that he has tried for 2 almost 3 weeks to get a hold of Steve to finish the work. Steve has never returned his call. He asked me if I was interested in doing the work for him. After some discussion with my fiancé and a lot of thought I am going to do that job too.

I hear this all the time people asking me if Steve and his company is too big to do these little jobs. People also ask me why he never returns their calls when the job is ready for him to finish. All I can say is I don’t know. At first I felt bad about taking work from him, but now I don’t because he has made his own bed. I feel sorry for the people that he did work for and was hung out to dry with no body to finish the work that he started. I never wanted to take customers from him but if he doesn’t want to help them then I will take every last one of them that he has screwed over. If this is bad business I don’t care because customer was someone else’s customer before him and is someone else’s after him so on and so forth.

Maybe I should feel bad But I don't I see him screw customers too much and I am tired of seeing it and I feel if i can help these people then I am going to and i dont care how he feels about it .

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

our country

Howdy Y'all

I am back (lol)

This post is 1 that should be 1 that everyone relates too.

This morning I was sitting on the couch before I went to work. A music video came on GAC, it was Hank Jr's red white and blue pink slip. I got to thinking that this song hits a lot of people and its very true. Times like this and songs like that, tell the story about how the politicians, banks, and the car makers have screwed the people of this country. John Rich has a song called "Shutting Detroit Down" its about how the car makers are in trouble with bad financial decisions that they are in trouble and that they have sent most of the jobs to other countries. They did this to save money and I don't know if they realized that it would affect the countries economy. It did when you have workers that have been on the job for 20, 30, and 40 years ready to retire for theirs service to them and have no retirement, because the company they busted their asses for squandered the money that they had made for all those years. Plus they are sending these important jobs to other countries. That is wrong in every possible way.

Back in the 1990's the government passed NAFTA ( North American Free Trade Agreement) that opened up the borders for our manufactures to move to Mexico and open up business. They did that and took most of our good jobs and sent them there. When they did that they started this snowball effect here in the USA, they didn't realize the downward spiral that they sent into motion. The downward spiral that sent most of the manufacturing jobs elsewhere. The small town that I live in. I have seen it first hand when the biggest employer in this town shut down and moved out or the country to save a few dollars. The companies move to Mexico, take our jobs, build that country's economy, then sell their products back to us here in the USA. The funny thing is that the prices are higher now after they moved, higher than they were when they were here, and that is because they spent millions of dollars to build the factory there, when they had a factory here that fit their needs. So they abandoned the people that made that company strong, abandoned a building or several buildings that housed their company. And in this process took the all American dollar and flushed its value down the toilet.So as these money grubbing CEO's are taking these good jobs to a country that they can use cheap labor ( almost slave labor ) to make their product to sell back to there own country for bigger profit. That will put more money in their own pockets and put everyone else that relies on those jobs in financial hardship. To where these hard working Americans have no jobs, have no money, putting them into foreclosure, and making life harder on the people that made this country strong.

Now lets move on to the banks that do everything they can to help all of us....... ya right the only people they are out to help is themselves. Our whole economy depends on what the banks say and do and right now the banks are doing nothing but blowing our money that we invest into them. they don't really understand that the money that they are using is the money of the people that they are supposed to take care of. the banks got themselves in the position that they are in. how can we trust a company that every other week is getting sold , bought, or changing its name. The banks used to be called Bank and Trust, OK 1 question. Where did the trust go in banking there is none. and if we are supposed to trust them with our money then where is our money and who did you give it too. Did you give it to the auto makers to build factories in Mexico. Because before NAFTA the only things they exported here, was drugs, dry
waller's, and land scapers. To move the jobs down to a third world nation. Is that why the government had to come in and bail you out? Then after they bailed you out you take the 6 and 7 digit income people on a vacation and give them bonuses because you promised them a bonus or vacation. What about they man that has spent time on the assembly line building America strong, that promised his son or daughter a new bike. Now since his job took a vacation south of the border he cant buy a bike for them. Hell he cant hardly put food on the table.

Last but not least our wonderful government. That is giving money to starving countries that's great but what about this starving country. We have just as many starving people here on our soil. Then we go into a country and rebuild it with our own money so they can breed more terrorists to destroy the country that rebuilt them. We have given billions and billions of dollars to rebuild Iraq and Afghanistan, but in our own country we have devastating floods, hurricanes, earth quakes, and tornadoes and it takes years to get any help if we get any at all. A year ago here in Indiana we had monstrous floods that destroyed everything in its path. Not only here but Iowa, Kansas, and all the states down the Mississippi River and the Ohio River. I know that the government said that there was 20 million dollars damage in Indiana. Wow that's a lot of money, lol not if we just spent 600 million on a football stadium. OK now back to our money going out to help all these other countries that spit when they think of the USA, but if we are standing there with a billion dollar check they are our friend. Until we turn away then they are the first country to bad mouth us and Burn OLD GLORY in the streets. Our political figures will urn right back to them and say here is more money will you be our friend now. Oh yes we know that our unemployment rate is higher then it has ever been that's OK here you go, take the money and build you country back up. It was once said that if you have to pay some one to be your friend, then are they really your friend. Or is that extortion because they are not your friend when the money runs out. Quit buying friend and help the friends in you own country. The ones that were born here and live here and love this country. The ones who made this country strong and would never sell it out like all of you have.

In closing all I have to say is love this country or leave it and bring our jobs and bring the USA back to the glory it once was .

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Surrender Your Heart

Howdy Y'all

When you meet someone.
You never know where it will lead.
You talk on the phone. You get to know her.

There is something about her.
You can’t stop thinking about the way she makes you feel.
When you sleep, she is there.
When you are a wake you see signs.
Signs that cause you to think about her.

Everywhere you look you see things that remind you.
A car, a song, a color and an advertisement your mind wonders back.

Then one day something happens that you feel that you have lost her.
You don’t know what or how to feel but it scares you and you don’t know why.
It hit you like a ton of bricks, that pain in your chest.
When you feel you let her slip through your fingers.
You wanted to tell her something, but you have no idea what it is.
Then all of a sudden it falls into place and the real you starts to shine.
A new light shines down on you, it gets her attention and this time she sees you.
She sees the real you, and you are what she has been looking for.

While you talk your heart opens.
You realize that the fallings you had where growing. And you can’t stop them, you want to stop them.
You are falling in love with her.
You are scared to death that feelings are only 1 sided.
So you suppress them bury them deep in your heart.
You know they won’t stay there for long, they surface soon and you can’t stop them.

Then one day you are together and it just comes out of your mouth and you are scared even more, but relieved that it’s out.
Your feelings that have been buried deep inside.
You know its love and you surrendered to your heart.
You surrendered to love.
You have no idea what she will say to that.
But you just surrendered to her and now it’s her turn.
To see if she feels the same way that you do.
Your mind tells you one thing and you heart tells you the truth.
Your head tells you to slow down.
Your heart tells you to take the leap.
The heart surrenders to true love.
So surrender your heart to the one you love.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Living Our Lives Through Our Kids

Howdy Y'all

Well all of us that have kids want our kids to do better than we have done. We guide them, help them, and instruct them in life. We even train them to do what we have done in life but try to make them better. We want them to succeed where we failed. That is good that we do that, but as parents we can push that too far. I say that because I have done that myself. I have seen that more in little league sports and different associations for kids such as Junior Rodeo. When my oldest son wanted to be a bull rider I found myself pushing him to do it more than he really wanted to. I was getting overbearing with it when he would cry and not want to do it. He was 5 - 6 years old and I was forcing him to do it. When he would cry I would get mad and would yell at him and talk down to him and make him feel worse than he already did. Then I realized that he was just scared, and wanted to do it because he thought that's what I wanted him to do. I stopped doing that to him when he would fight against me. Then when he started to play football and wrestle I found myself doing it again and when I was taking him home after practice I would have him in tears, because I was beating him down for doing something wrong. I would tell him that isn't the way I would do it and he better do it this way or I wasn't coming to his practices or games again. I would tell him I wasn't gonna stand there and watch him play around and act like an idiot.

Oh My God that was so wrong. I cant believe that I had become one of those parents that I despised. One of those parents that was forcing their child to do something. I was becoming the little league parent that seen stardom living their child's life. The parents that were not good enough to do it theirselves and tried to do it through their kids. No matter how bad it was hurting the kid, because our kids love us no matter if we are the greatest athlete or not. In their eyes we are the best there ever was.

That type of parent needs to stop and think whats important in life. You being a so called Super Star, or your child having fun doing something they love to do. Its not your life its your child's life. Let your child have fun at it let them make mistakes because when you were a child you were allowed to make mistakes. Its OK to help and guide your kids but do not force your views on them and beat them down because they did do something the way you would do it. Because as parents we are not Perfect no matter how much we think we are. If you are into something does not mean your kid wants to do it. They might think its fun but they may want to try to do something else. As adults we tend to get wrapped into things so much that we try to force our kids to do it.

An example for you.

I know someone that bought a horse farm and was training horses. After moving there he changed. It seemed no matter what his kids did it was not good enough. and he would scream and yell at them. The kids felt like they were forced to come and help him in the barn. The kids wanted to move there so they could take care of their own horses and animals. Then shortly after that he was bringing in more horses than he could take care of by himself. He would make them work in the barn from the time they got home until it was time to go to bed. The kids got to where they hated to even go in to the barn. He wasn't dad any more he became the dictator and would scream, yell, and cause fights in the family. It was taking a toll in his relationship with his kids and his marriage. He was so wrapped up in the horses that he did not see his kids pulling away from him and didn't even want to be around him. He was blind to the fact that his 2 oldest despised being there and being around him because he did nothing but try and force them to work in the barn, so they moved out as soon as they were old enough just to get away from him and the barn. He still hasn't changed his daughter and him are not as close as they should be because he made the horses and everything around there his life and he forgot about his family and how to interact with them. He is so wrapped up that they cant even go out to dinner as a family because if they say something its not right in his eyes and starts a fight and then everybody is mad at each other. Is this the relationship you want with your kids that you can't be happy for them and that you can not relate to them in any way but to chew them out and belittle them for not being like you? Your kids are like you in some ways but they have their own lives, their own thoughts, and their own beliefs so don't live your life through them. You chose your life, let them choose their own life and let them live it the way they seem fit. Another thing, if there is something that you like and want to do, don't extend your ability to do it by yourself. Don't get too many animals that you can't take care of them by yourself because some day you may not have help to take care of them. And if you scream and yell at your kids to help you or if you don't appreciate the help when you get it, don't expect help when you need it. Because you made their lives a living hell when they helped you, and now when you need it you don't have it. So stop trying to live your life through your kids and live life through yourself and leave your kids alone. If you want your kids to love you and respect you then you have to do the same thing to them. But If you want to scream, yell, beat them down, treat everything they do as wrong, and try to force them to help you when you need help. Then its time to grow up and realize you made them pull away from you. Your ego and your way caused it all.


You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar

Respect your kids and they will respect you

The Light and True Love 2 Poems By Jay Martin

The Light:

As the days grow longer so does our love.
As the nights get hotter so does our love.
When we have hard times our love will shine through.
When we have good times our love shines brighter.

True Love:

Through the darkness of night our love shows the path.
Through the brightest of the day it shows bigger than the sun.
The path we walk down together is full of hope and desire.
The path we walk down alone is full anguish and despair.
With you by my side I can do anything.
When we are apart I feel alone in the world.
As we go down the path of life.
We will walk hand in hand together.
Side by side together we go.
We do not know where this path leads
With you there with me I have no care where it leads
This is the heart and soul of true Love.

Written by: Jay Martin 5/01/09 @ 1:45 am
Written with love for my love

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Worst and Greatest Day of My Life

Howdy Y'all,

One day at a time is what is given us, here in life. We have obstacles everyday. We can hit them head on, try to avoid them, or we can just accept them. We can not avoid them, if we try too they just come back bigger and stronger, with larger circumstances. We can just accept them and by the grace of God and the love of our family get through them.

A few years ago was one of the scariest of my life. That day made me realize how fragile life is. It was a day in July and I was getting ready to head to a rodeo in northern Indiana. This was on a Friday and it was the day before,when we got a phone call from my sister-in-law reminding me about my nephews birthday party on Saturday. This rodeo was no different than any other that I did all the time. My son and I would load up and go, he was 3 yrs old at this time. When I got off the phone my wife asked me what the call was about, I told her who it was and what it was about. I told her that our son would have more fun there than being at the rodeo in the 95 degree temperature and all the dirt. At the party he could swim and play and have a good time. He cried a little bit when we told him that he wasn't going with me.

I was up early and got ready to head out the door it was about 4:00 am when I hit the door. All of a sudden I stopped and ran up stairs to kiss him before I left. I kissed his cheek and whispered to him, I will always love you. I said that to him everyday since the day he was born. I then jumped the truck and headed north. about 4 hours later I arrived at the rodeo. When I got there everybody asked me where he was and I told them he was going to a birthday party that day.

All day long everything went on as normal without a hitch, but it felt a little different like something was missing. the day performance was over and had a little down time before the evening show. I checked my cell phone and I had a missed call, but I had No phone signal. I didn't pay much attention to it. I looked at my caller ID and it was my brothers phone number that came up. I just thought he was going to tell me that I was missing a good party.

The evening performance went on with out a problem, but still had that feeling that something was missing. I finished fighting bulls that night and as I walked out of the arena I heard the announcer call over the loud speaker ,that I had a phone call at the concession stand. So I headed that way, I got there and answered the phone.

It was my wife on the other end, and at that moment I felt a chill run through my body and went weak. As I said hello , the first thing I heard was Brody drowned in the pool. Immediately I collapsed and I started to cry. My whole world just ended and I had no control of it. People and friends started to gather around me. When I collapsed I dropped the phone and a really good friend picked it up and answered it. As i sat there on the ground, all i could think was that my little boy was gone and I could have stopped it. My world just ended and I would not make it through. Then the friend stuck the phone to my ear and my wife called my name and said it again. This time I heard everything she said, I missed the key point when she told me.
Brody drowned in the pool, but he is fine. then she said they were heading to her moms house. I still couldn't speak but I handed the phone back to the friend and headed to my truck and was headed to my in-laws house. By this time the people around me were in tears too and tried to stop me and I was fighting them to let me get to my truck. I had to get to my little boy and no body was going to stop me. The EMT's even blocked my truck in with the ambulance. I was furious and was cussing at them to get out of my way, my little boy needs me this is all my fault, get the f### out of my way. I gotta get to him. when another man grabbed a hold of me and sat me down on my tail gate and said stop there is nothing that you can do right now, and I was in no condition to drive. I was still cussing at them and telling them get out of my way, my little boy needs me. When Josh walked up to me and said give me the keys. I will drive and we will get there safe, I know he needs you and I will take you there safe. As I looked at him he had tears in his eyes too.I handed him the keys and we climbed in the truck and he handed his keys to someone and said follow us.

What was a 2 hour drive we made in about 45 minutes. When we got there it was about 5 minute ahead of my wife and my son. When they got there I went to the car and got him out of the car seat, and held him and hugged him. As I carried him in the house the tears were still falling. when we got in the house and sat down I looked up and asked' What happened? She looked at me and said he was reaching for a ball and fell in and nobody seen him fall. then she heard my sister-in- law scream out his name. He was floating face down. My oldest brother "Mike" dove in fully clothed and got him and handed him to another nephew. Then Mike started CPR to try and revive him. Finally after about 4-5 minutes he came back to us. Brody was dead because he had lost control of his bodily functions.

Mike took a CPR class about 16 years prior to this and never had to use it ,until then. That was 8 years ago and he is doing good. It changed my life that day and I realized how fragile life is. If you get the chance to learn something that you think you would never use, go ahead and learn it because you never know when you might change someones life with it. I want to thank everybody that was there that day. If you wasn't there, then only God knows what would have happened.

I am writing this with tears in my eyes, tears of joy because I have my son still today,tears of sadness, because I almost lost my son, and year of thankfulness because of family and friends. Without them life would be different.


I normally don't use names but this I had too ...

tty later

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Bed Hogs

Howdy Y'all

Have you ever slept with someone and by the morning you only have about 10% of the bed and they are taking up the other 90% of it. Those people are called "BED HOGS". Bed hogs are very hard to sleep with no matter how hard you try. Sometimes you can get used to it but why should we. why should we have to surrender our sleeping space and comfort for someone else. Isn't our sleep worth it, to them I guess not. I think our sleep is just as important as their sleep is to them don't you think?

Kids are as bad or worse than adults most of the time. I have 2 boys and they are bad. In the middle of the night you hear a little voice come out of the dark. Can I sleep with you, I'm scared or I had a bad dream. As a parent we say yes come on and you slide over enough for them to climb in. Little do you know that little bit you move over is just the start of a long night of a slow drift across your big comfy bed. By morning you are hugging to the edge of the bed, completely on the other side from where you started.

I have done this more than once since I became a dad, with the same result every single time. Even though I know this is gonna happen I let them in every time. It all starts so sweet and innocent. Shortly after they are back a sleep the slow migration starts to the other side of your sleeping world. They snuggle up to you so nice tho keep warm and secure. a little while later you have an elbow in your ribs, so you move to get comfortable again. Then you have you have a little arm around your neck,and you wake up because you feel like you are being choked. you get them back in line and back to sleep you go. All of a sudden you feel what you think is a baseball bat being pushed into your back. So you slide over, roll back over to find a little knee being driven into your spine. So you slide over a little bit more. Now you are back asleep and have a nice dream going, and then all heck breaks loose, it feels like you are getting beat up in a fight and you can't do anything to stop it. So you jump and you are awake again for the 4th or 5th time in the last 3 hours. By this time you realize that you aren't in a fight, but you are getting the crap beat out you. But its not a big thug in a dark alley, its you sweet loving child. He or she is having a bad dream and throwing punches in the dark, and striking vital points on your your body. So again you are awake and you slide over once more. You get them calmed back down and settled back to sleep. Finally you doze off, the next thing you feel like Chuck Norris just kicked you in the mouth. "Awake again". Your sweet child just slammed their heel right into your mouth. You set up in bed and check for bleeding, good no blood this time. You wonder how they got their heel up to your head to hit you in the mouth. You lean over to kiss them before you go back to sleep. then you notice that its not their face your kissing their feet. You are back to sleep again and then you get the feeling that you are being pushed and hanging off a cliff. When you wake up you are careening face first off the bed and crashing into the floor. About the timeyou get off the floor and lay back in bed. The time your haed hits the pillow,you pull the blankets back up, and you start to relax again. Then you hear a loud beeping in your ears, damn its your alarm its time to get up and get ready for work.

It was another wonderful night sleep (lol)
Just remember that they are your kids and you love them so don't be mad at them. because you let them in your bed.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Road Side Roses

Howdy Y'all,

I wanted to start out and ask a question. Ladies would you rather have flowers from a florist or just because he was thinking of you and picked them from the side of the road? Think about it. I am the type of man that loves to give little gifts for no reason at all. I will give a card, a little note or just pick some wild flowers on the way home from work just to show her how much I love her. I do that because , I hope it makes her day a little better or just to make her smile. part of it is to let her know that I was thinking about her.

These type of flowers I call road side roses. They are not roses but they carry the same meaning, Love, caring, romance, and how much she means to me. Most people who know me say I am a hopeless romantic, and I believe they are right. I will do what I can do to make her feel special.

I was married for 12 years, then I got divorced, and we both took love for granted. neither one of us showed each other that we loved nor cared. Over time with no romance in our lives it takes a tole on each other and our feelings. About 8 years into my marriage I got the idea to start being more romantic and by this time it was too late. By this time when I would do something romantic or caring to show how much I loved her. She would look at me and say what are you feeling guilty about this time, what did you do this time. It went on this way for the next 2 years until we separated and eventually divorced. After that I vowed that if I ever found a woman to fall in love with I would show her that I love her and think about her always. That she would always know that.

Now that I have my girlfriend and I can prove to her how much I am in love with her. She told me that she has never had anyone do that for her. Give her cards, little love notes on her pillow, or road side roses. Don't get me wrong I will go to the florist and get real roses for her. I even go as far as sending her text message in the morning to tell her that I love her and wish her a good day, or let her know that I cant wait to see her.

So ladies if you boyfriends, husbands, or fiance's start doing this don't question it just go with it and enjoy the love he is showing you. But guys if you start to do this because you have screwed up then don't start. It gives us men who love our ladies a bad rap.

In closing no matter if its road side roses or just a little note that shows you love her then cherish it.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Adrenaline Junkies

Howdy Y'all

Here is one for ya its just some random thoughts.
I am a adrenaline junkie and have been all my life, if there isn't a fear factor then it wasn't appealing to me. We all know someone that is this way,the crazy friend. You know that guy or girl that will try anything once or twice (if they survive the first try .

I rode motor cycles for years and been close to 200mph on a public road , bungee jumped, rodeo bulls for yrs and was a rodeo clown/bullfighter. When I was little I wanted to be a movie stunt man something about that made my blood boil and I had to try it. When I was in high school, I took the pole vaulting mats and stacked them up behind the football field bleachers. Then I climbed on top of the announcers box at the top of the bleachers. Then I climbed on top of there stood there for a second or 2, then took 2 steps and dove off. While falling through the air I rolled slightly and landed in the center of the mats. As I hit I felt the air get pushed out of my lungs in a gust, as I lay there not able to breathe and moaning. That was so" awesome "was running through my mind. It was running my mind because I couldn't talk, hell I couldn't even That was 20 yrs ago and I think back ,how stupid I was. When I was fighting bulls in the rodeo I would let a bull hit me and through the air just for fun, so the crowd would get a show and to get them to scream. I would feed off of the crowd and their reaction of it. When I was really young I would wreck my bicycle, on purpose just to do it and I thought that it was fun. When I was in high school my buddies and I would go to the old lime stone quarries about 20 miles to the south of us and i would jump off of the highest part, this one in particular was used in the movie form the late 70's called "Breaking Away" staring Dennis Quaid. More than once I would through caution to the wind and bale off of this 97 foot cliff.

But now that I am older I set back and feel everything, and all the punishment I put my body through. Especially when I get out of bed in the I would not trade that feelings I had and the fun I had for anything. I have had around 18 broken bones some of them more than once, fingers, ribs,ankle,wrist and arms. the worst was broken vertebrae in my neck in 1992.

But now that I am older, I love the stories I can share with people, about how much fun I had .
People look at me a lil different than most and I like that because I dont wanna like everyone else I love being me. Just a lil bit off center. I take a lil different road than most. I can say my life is not boring And I dont wanna be boring I just wanna be me.

talk to y'all later

remember just be yourself

From the outside looking in

When you start in a relationship with someone you get all kinds of advise from friends and family. Sometimes its good and sometimes it's not so good. Everybody thinks they know you better than yourself and they know you but you know your feelings better than anyone.

Your family and your friends tell you to slow down. Don't rush in, you are gonna get hurt. Sometimes we do rush into things. And sometimes we do get hurt. When we get hurt we feel devastated,but we bounce back and it makes us stronger in our next relationship.

All everyone else can see is what happen the last time and they cant see what is actually going on between the 2 of you. They don't see you 2 alone and the way you make each other smile.

My best friend lives in Oklahoma he has been there for me in my hard times. he helped me through my divorce and through when I had a girl friend that used me to get back with her ex-husband he knows me better than anybody. I know him the same way. When he got with his girlfriend I asked him a question that we ask each other every time we get in a relationship with someone: If all you know about her now is all you ever know about her is that enough for you to fall in love with her and spend the rest of your life with her, and marry her? If we hesitate with the answer then the other one asks are you sure she is what you want or are you settling? When I asked him that question 2 years ago when he was with a girl he has known since grade school. He went silent for just a second or 2 then he said he didn't know. Then a year ago I asked him again with the woman he is with now. He answered YES before I even finished the question.

He is in love with her I can tell when we talk on the phone when I ask about her. The tone in his voice changes. It makes me happy that he has found someone to make him so happy.

Back to the story.

When I got with my girlfriend I caught a lot of flack from my family about moving too fast. But they don't they don't see the way she makes me feel when we are together. I can tell she feels the same way when she sees me after a small time apart. She has a smile from ear to ear,just like I do. When we are together I can see 40 years in the future. What I mean by that is that lil old couple in the mall walking hand in hand, and him standing there in a store holding her purse while she tries on clothes. the look that he has in his eyes when she comes out of the dressing room. The look I am talking about is that he is so in love with her, more than when they were just married more than that morning. He falls more in love with her every minute of every day.

Just remember 1 thing the only person that knows your feelings, is you. Your friends and family are just trying to keep you from getting hurt, because they love and care about you. They don't want to see you hurt. Just be careful and know your own feelings. You and her are the only ones that know what you 2 want. The 2 of you are feeling the same way about this beautiful life you 2 are sharing with each other. Dont be afraid to share your feeling with the person you are with.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Out Of The Mouths Of Babes

Howdy Y'all

There was a TV show that was called; Kids Say The Darnedest Things. That is true ,they will say anything at anytime.sometimes its funny and makes you laugh, can make you cry, warm your heart, or it embarrasses you. This got me thinking last night coming back home from a nice dinner out.

we were driving home and the girls were in the back seat,1 playing nintendo Ds and 1 just talking about anything that popped into her pretty lil head.At 1 point she was talking about, I am going to use her words in some of this, her older sister that died shortly after she was born. She was saying that she was in heaven with God and with Chewie ( a dog that passed away last summer). she was saying this and it was so sweet in the manner that she was saying it. As she was saying it ,my girlfriend was tearing up because it was so sweet.

About 2 years ago I was house sitting for some friends that went to Texas for a month. It was my weekend with my boys. After work I picked them up at my brothers house and was heading back to the friends house. As we went around a bend in the road there was a small animal in the road. About the time we passed it he asked, Dad what was that? I looked over at him and said its a opossum son. He said, oh thats what they look like, Alive . Omg I laughed till I almost cried.

That is just 2 examples of stuff that kids will say at any given time at any place. I could tell you more but I would be here all day. we all have instances where we have been in that situation and dont have any idea what will come out of their mouths. So cherrish them all because kids only see life in black and white and there is no grey area in between. If they say something that shouldn't be said just explain it to them about it, and dont loose your cool because they will say only what they are feeling. If adults would act that way a little bit of time and say things that they mean then we would all have a little more understanding with each other a little more.

Thank you for taking time to read this .

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Special Day

This past Monday was a bitter sweet day. I am happy to be part of, but I am deeply saddened about this day. I was moved in a very special way Sunday, I was invited to share in a birthday. Monday was the birthday of a little girl that I have never met, but means so much to me. All day long I did everything I could do to get back to my girlfriends house, to join her. Every year she and her 2 little girls go to a small cemetery to visit the grave of her daughter that passed away, almost 6 years ago. I felt honored that she asked me to go with them.

I was on a job that kept going on and nothing was going right and taking longer than it should have taken. It was about 5:00 pm when I talked to her on the phone and told her to go on and go. I felt bad for saying that, because I wanted to go. I felt like part of the family when she asked me to go. I felt like I was letting her down and that is something I never want to do. If I went then it meant I was part of her family and that is what I really want to be. She told me that they would wait on me because she really wanted me to go with them. She said as long as I was there before dark they would wait on me. I was almost in tears that I meant that much to her that she would wait for me to share this part of her life, with me.

When I hung up the phone I prayed to God for everything to start to come together on the job. I would love to be there for her and those 2 little girls on this day of memorial. I know he was listening, because shortly after that the water temperature started stabilizing and the temperatures were raising back to the proper temperature. By this time it was about 6:20 and I had about 1 1/2 hour drive back to her house.

I am gonna back up a little to explain the feelings I had that day. Last week the job I had was canceled and I was at her house working on the book that I am writing, when I hit a point that I was stuck and could not write any more. So I got up from the computer and grabbed a scrapbook off of the shelf. This told her daughter's life story and by the time I closed it I had tears streaming down my face. Now I felt like I invaded her privacy and didn't know what she would say if I told her that I looked through it. OK I was scared of what she would say and think of me for doing that. On Sunday she looked at me and asked if I knew what Monday was and looked at her and said Yes I do know. The tears started to build in my eyes, then she asked if I would go with them. By this time the tears were streaming down my face. She said she would love to have me go with her and the girls. I looked at her and said I had something to tell her. That the day that I was there I got the scrapbook down and looked at it. I was choked up and waited for her to start to yell or tell me to get out of her house. But just the opposite happened she hugged me and said I hoped you would look at it. I felt so much better after she said that.

On the way back it seemed like Gods hand was over my truck. The traffic was all cleared out of the way and I only got stopped a couple of times by traffic lights. I arrived about 7:30 and she smiled at me and said you made it. I looked her and said I wouldn't miss this for the world.

A little while later we all got in the car and headed to the cemetery. When we arrived we parked and started up the hill. When we arrived to the top, she and the girls went ahead of me. I stood back out of the way and let them do what they normally do there. When my girlfriend looked over at me and said come over closer. As I walked closer I had all these emotions run through my body, fear, guilt, nervousness, happy, and sad all rolled up together at 1 time.

With everything that happened Sunday and Monday I believe it made me more open to my feelings. It was a wonderful day that will always be in my heart and in my soul.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Life is not always lemons

We all have heard the saying" when life gives you lemons add water and sugar lets make lemonade. So what if life gives you limes. " When life gives you limes add salt and tequila and have a party". Now what I am saying is life is a party , if you let things get you down then life can not be enjoyed. No matter how bad it gets in your mind you have to look to the sky and look at the silver lining in the clouds even if its in a storm. I have been down in my life and did not know what to do or what to think. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I believe that to the fullest. and if you never learn from your mistakes you can never be happy. I have lost every thing in my life at least 2 times and i keep going. I start over and start rebuilding my life and make my life stronger. I am never down too long because I tell my self to get up and stop watching the world go by. Just grab a hold of it and hang on, it can be a little rough at times. but it only for a little while. In my life I have had several broken bones and several reconstructive surgeries missed a lot of work,been down on my luck, and thought there is no way out of this. For some reason I have always looked on the bright side of the situation. I figured out over my 38 plus yrs that if you let life beat you down and you stay down or give up then you can never be on top of your life. when you are on top life seems so much easier and it is. when you are in a rut and don't think it can get any better that is the time to take a long look in the mirror and say is where I want to be in my life, and if it is then you are on top of your life. But if its not where you want to be in your life then look in the mirror and say" I am not happy" its time for me to start rebuilding my life. I wont stay down long,and life wont count me out. every breath I breathe I get better and life is getting better.

Now right now I could be down in the dumps and hating life. I found out about a week ago my ex-wife put her house up for sale and moving my boys almost 2 hrs away. I know some of you think that's not too bad but you have to think those boys are my heart and soul. I am a football and wrestling coach for my oldest son and I go to my youngest sons karate classes and tournaments, and all school programs and most of the activities. I am a big part of there lives and they are the biggest part of mine. I never wanted to be a part time dad, but life goes that way,you cant grin and bare it,but you can live with it. 4 yrs ago i watched my life take a dramatic turn from a full time dad and a husband to a part time dad and an ex-husband. It was hard to live with I felt like a looser and I felt like my boys were taken away from me. It hit me very hard, i crawled into a bottle and started looking at life through the bottom of it. I was hanging out with the wrong crowd and not living up to my potential. I was not running with the top of the class so to speak. then 1 day I stopped by and seen an old friend and he looked at me and said where are you. I looked at him kind of puzzled and said I am right here. He looked at me and told me that the guy in front of him was not me. He didn't know who I was but that wasn't me .

When I left him I drove around for about 4 hrs just thinking I went back to where I was staying and jumped on a buddies crotch rocket and took off. I hit the highway and wound it out in every gear going faster and faster. The faster I got the more the tears fell down my face. All of a sudden it hit me about 165mph and i started slowing down. I was not me any more and I did not like the man I had become. I turned that bike around and headed back . When I got back it was about it was about 3am as I walked in the door there was stuff going on that I did not want to be around. So I threw the keys on the table and grabbed my stuff and walked out the door and climbed in my truck and drove away. I never looked back. Shortly after that I climbed out of the bottle and straightened my life up.

So this past week it felt the same as it did 4 yrs ago but this time I voiced my opinion and felt better about what was happening I am not happy about the move but I took a stand. I know that my voice was heard and had some bearing on it. They are still moving but am on my feet and have the support of family and friends to help me. Most of all I have a wonderful woman that is by my side for me to talk to and work through with.

We can not let life bring us down
Just look in the mirror and say life may have me down right now but I am not out and I am getting back to my feet and gonna hit it head on and beat this time

See Y'all next time

Friday, April 24, 2009

Unexpected Changes

Howdy Y'all

When something changes your life in a manner you that you never expected. About a year ago I was fighting bulls in a rodeo (rodeo clown) and I had an eye opening experience.

Everyone has a little bit or psychic ability, its like you feel something is going to happen ,but you have no idea what it is but something isn't right. I was in the arena working the bull riding with my nephew when i got that feeling. I just worked through it like it wasn't there, then it happened.

We had a bull in the chutes and the rider was on his back ready to come out. When the cold chills run down my back. Being a clown you cant get distracted, because if you get distracted a rider gets hurt or worse they can die. Even you have that chance for that to happen. Nobody wants to see the clown/bullfighter get hurt or killed, but they don't want miss it if it happens. That's human nature.

My job when this bull came out was to get him by the nose and turn him into a spin. When a bull goes into a spin he either gives the rider a better chance to get a higher score or it will throw the rider off faster. as the bull cleared the chute I grabbed him by the face and he turned to the left into the spin. As he started to spin, I stepped into the chute to let him spin and fade out across the arena. Once he was away from the chute I followed him out and across the arena. When I was out of the chute the cold chills hit again. About 3 seconds later it happened. the rider slipped to the side and was hung up,( his hand was caught in the rope) and was being flung around like a rag doll.

My position was at the head of the bull, so I tried to pull the bull out of the spin to keep the rider from dragging him under the feet. At that time my nephew jumped onto the bull's back to untie the riders hand from the rope. As he reached the riders hand the bull turned and hit him and knocked him to the ground. When I saw this I side stepped the head of the bull and jumped and got a hold of the rope. I then pulled the rope and set the rider free from the beast. Just as he was free the the bull turned and hit me and flipped me through the air. As I came crashing to the ground after reaching a height of 10 feet in the air. When I hit the ground my head was bent backwards and I landed on my left shoulder. My best friend says I hit the ground like a sock being dropped on the ground. My body was in such a position that people in the stands thought my neck had to be broken.

As the people were watching horrified and worried about me, I laid there unconscious. No movement at all. after about 10 minutes I came to. I could see people all around me as I lay there flat on my back, the EMT's would not let me move. They were asking me questions like, do you know your name? Do you know where you are? What day is it? I answered them correctly. As I laid there I looked up and saw my 10 yr old son right above me standing on top of the bucking chutes. He had tears steaming down his face. I will never forget the look on his face, it looked like he had just seen the devil himself. I told Jamie to go get him and bring him to me, I needed to talk to him and tell him I am OK.

When my son got there I told him I loved him and everything was OK. I hugged him with my right arm and kissed his cheek.

As they prepared me to ride in the ambulance. the EMT's told me not to move that my neck may be broken. I looked at them and told them that my neck wasn't broke, because i don't have the burning sensation that i had before"I know what a broken neck feels like and this isn't that. I told them my collar bone is broke because it is not supposed to move where it's moving. As they rolled me on the back board I had a sparp pain on the left side of my back and i told them I ahve some broken ribs too.

when they wheeled me out of the arena I raised my right hand in the air to show all the spectators and rodeo fans I was OK.

The ride to the hospital the ride was terrible and rough as hell. On the way I did a lot of thinking and came to the conclussion that it was time for me to hang up my spurs and call it quits. I am 37 yrs old and 2 little boys to take care of its time to be a dad to them and I want to be around to watch them grow up.

My mom arrived at the hospital shortly after I got there. after the exam and the x-rays the doctor came back to the room. He told me that i had 2 broken ribs on my left side on my back. Then he told me, my left collar bone was broken in 2 places, about 3 inches from where it connects to my shoulder. I looked at him and said thats what I needded. the doctor and my mom looked and me in a confused manner. I am retired right now I am announcing it. My boys need me a lot more than rodeo does.

As we were gettin readyto leave the doctor sugested that i see a specialist in bone and joint. So I agreed to that.

I ended up with 2 broken ribs, broken collarbone, and a concussion.

My retirement lasted about 2 and a half months, when i arrived at a bullriding to judge it and the bullfighter that was hired never showed up. The stock contractor came to me and asked if I would fight bulls for him. I looked at him and told him that I was retired, and he looked at me and said I wouldn't ask but I need you. After a long thought I went out to my truck and sat on my tail gate and was thinking. Just as the National Anthem finished I walked back into the arena dressed ready to fight bulls. As I walked in all the cowboys looked at me and smiled. I walked right in the arena. My son was standing at the gate looking at me, I walked up to him got down on my knee, looked at him, gave him a hug. he looked at me and said I thought you retired? I looked in his scared face and said I am but I have to do this for me, this time its for me and no one else, "tonight I am walking out".

I walked in the arena and i was scared for the first time in many many years. The 5th bull out was the one that put me in the hospital and when he came out the hair stood up on the back of my neck. After the last bull left the arena I looked up at the stock contractor and he said we are done.

I wlked to the out gate, stopped and turned aroundto look back at the arena. I tipped my hat to the arena,blew it a kiss. As I turned to walk through the gate the tears streamed down my face. I was doneand this time it was by my choosing and not anyone or any animals doing.
I chose this time to be done.

If you quit and happy you did it thats great but don't sit back and say what if I had done this, it might be different. Never have regrets in your life, life is to short to to have regrets. Just remember this you made your choice, because thats what you wanted at that very moment. So never regret your choices. It was your choice and you made it.

Have a good day and I hope this helped someone with this.