Sunday, May 17, 2009

Living Our Lives Through Our Kids

Howdy Y'all

Well all of us that have kids want our kids to do better than we have done. We guide them, help them, and instruct them in life. We even train them to do what we have done in life but try to make them better. We want them to succeed where we failed. That is good that we do that, but as parents we can push that too far. I say that because I have done that myself. I have seen that more in little league sports and different associations for kids such as Junior Rodeo. When my oldest son wanted to be a bull rider I found myself pushing him to do it more than he really wanted to. I was getting overbearing with it when he would cry and not want to do it. He was 5 - 6 years old and I was forcing him to do it. When he would cry I would get mad and would yell at him and talk down to him and make him feel worse than he already did. Then I realized that he was just scared, and wanted to do it because he thought that's what I wanted him to do. I stopped doing that to him when he would fight against me. Then when he started to play football and wrestle I found myself doing it again and when I was taking him home after practice I would have him in tears, because I was beating him down for doing something wrong. I would tell him that isn't the way I would do it and he better do it this way or I wasn't coming to his practices or games again. I would tell him I wasn't gonna stand there and watch him play around and act like an idiot.

Oh My God that was so wrong. I cant believe that I had become one of those parents that I despised. One of those parents that was forcing their child to do something. I was becoming the little league parent that seen stardom living their child's life. The parents that were not good enough to do it theirselves and tried to do it through their kids. No matter how bad it was hurting the kid, because our kids love us no matter if we are the greatest athlete or not. In their eyes we are the best there ever was.

That type of parent needs to stop and think whats important in life. You being a so called Super Star, or your child having fun doing something they love to do. Its not your life its your child's life. Let your child have fun at it let them make mistakes because when you were a child you were allowed to make mistakes. Its OK to help and guide your kids but do not force your views on them and beat them down because they did do something the way you would do it. Because as parents we are not Perfect no matter how much we think we are. If you are into something does not mean your kid wants to do it. They might think its fun but they may want to try to do something else. As adults we tend to get wrapped into things so much that we try to force our kids to do it.

An example for you.

I know someone that bought a horse farm and was training horses. After moving there he changed. It seemed no matter what his kids did it was not good enough. and he would scream and yell at them. The kids felt like they were forced to come and help him in the barn. The kids wanted to move there so they could take care of their own horses and animals. Then shortly after that he was bringing in more horses than he could take care of by himself. He would make them work in the barn from the time they got home until it was time to go to bed. The kids got to where they hated to even go in to the barn. He wasn't dad any more he became the dictator and would scream, yell, and cause fights in the family. It was taking a toll in his relationship with his kids and his marriage. He was so wrapped up in the horses that he did not see his kids pulling away from him and didn't even want to be around him. He was blind to the fact that his 2 oldest despised being there and being around him because he did nothing but try and force them to work in the barn, so they moved out as soon as they were old enough just to get away from him and the barn. He still hasn't changed his daughter and him are not as close as they should be because he made the horses and everything around there his life and he forgot about his family and how to interact with them. He is so wrapped up that they cant even go out to dinner as a family because if they say something its not right in his eyes and starts a fight and then everybody is mad at each other. Is this the relationship you want with your kids that you can't be happy for them and that you can not relate to them in any way but to chew them out and belittle them for not being like you? Your kids are like you in some ways but they have their own lives, their own thoughts, and their own beliefs so don't live your life through them. You chose your life, let them choose their own life and let them live it the way they seem fit. Another thing, if there is something that you like and want to do, don't extend your ability to do it by yourself. Don't get too many animals that you can't take care of them by yourself because some day you may not have help to take care of them. And if you scream and yell at your kids to help you or if you don't appreciate the help when you get it, don't expect help when you need it. Because you made their lives a living hell when they helped you, and now when you need it you don't have it. So stop trying to live your life through your kids and live life through yourself and leave your kids alone. If you want your kids to love you and respect you then you have to do the same thing to them. But If you want to scream, yell, beat them down, treat everything they do as wrong, and try to force them to help you when you need help. Then its time to grow up and realize you made them pull away from you. Your ego and your way caused it all.


You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar

Respect your kids and they will respect you

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